


Welcome To My Life

by SevielCiel



Series: John and Mimi [2]
Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, Depressed George, Depression, Doctor Brian Epstein, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mary McCartney is alive and well, Maybe Smut on later chapters, McLennon, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Mute John, Past Child Abuse, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenic Paul McCartney, Slash, but nothing graphic, selective mutism, starrison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-09-07 17:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 29,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20313442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevielCiel/pseuds/SevielCiel
Summary: Paul, John, George and Ringo: four boys whose friendship will beat their problems.(I'm not good at summaries, hope you'll give it a try :) )





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).

> {Please, read the tags}
> 
> Hello and welcome to my fanfiction!  
This story will talk about the struggles of four boys affected by different mental/social problems and their friendship and later love!
> 
> I want to advise that this is not in any way, shape and form an insult to the Beatles, because I love those lads, but just an idea I had a while ago and written thanks to the help of another great writer :)
> 
> I'm also not a psychologist or an expert, I'm writing this by researching on internet and by personal experience regarding selective mutism, I'm trying my best to be as accurate as possible and if you have any suggestion or something let me know! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, leave kudos and comments, I love reading the opinion of people :)

Mary McCartney had know that something was wrong with her son when the boy had started beating his brother without motivation, than beating himself or crying without any reason at all.

The boy would start crying and clinging against his mother, saying that a mean man was telling him that he had to beat himself and beat Mike too.  
Mary would ask him where the man was and the little boy would point over, but Mary wouldn't found anyone.

She later brought him to the doctors, who diagnosed him with schizophrenia and gave him some medicines when he was 14.

The poor boy, thanks to the medicine, was feeling drowsy and Mary started to feel guilty: her once happy and bubbly boy was now just an empty shell of the kid he used to be.

Paul was now 17, living in a clinic with other troubled boys after he had tried to attack his father and brother in a moment of weariness.

Mary Smith didn't think her nephew had problems, but the primary school he was in continued to insist that something was wrong.  
John, the teacher said, never talk or made eye contact in class with anyone, refusing to move from his place when he had to do group works and during recess and lunch time he would stay completely by himself, without interacting with anyone.

Mimi, the name John usually called her, was confused, John was a very bubbly boy who loved to talk and be close, but, the woman noted, he never talked about friends and never brought home any of his classmates.

Eventually, she confronted him about it and during a school play, the little boy stayed completely paralyzed in front of all the parents, before sprinting down the stage to run into his aunt's arms. A behaviour like that was normal for a younger boy, but John was almost 10, and the way he hid his face into Mimi's shirt was enough to convince the woman that actually there was something wrong with the young boy. He was lately diagnosed with selective mutism.

John was now 19 and stayed into a clinic with his friends.

George had suspected that something was wrong with him when he was seeing everything as black, always sad, without seeing good things about life.  
His mother had brought him to the doctors where he was diagnosed with depression.

The medicines made him feel empty and tired, always uncaring, but without them he would be extremely hateful about everything and anyone, so much he didn't care about getting up, staying in bed for weeks and weeks.

George was now 18 and he was living in the same clinic of Paul and John.

Richard had passed his childhood into hospitals and recovers.  
The poor boy, who was suffering of a rare illness, had stopped growing after a while, and now, at 19 years old, he was as tall as a 10 years old.  
Due to all the scars that he had from all the surgeries, he was really self-conscious and that led to anxiety attacks, strong self confidence issues and anger burst towards anyone.  
Aside for that, Ritchie was a very kind boy, who was now 19 and living in the same clinic.

Brian Epstein, psychiatrist of Liverpool Clinic, entered one of the many rooms in the third floor.

The bedroom was not really big, with two beds one next to the other, a night stand in the middle.  
There was a big wardrobe and a small writing desk. The walls were a blue colour, full of posters of Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, Little Richard and more singers.

Brian get closer, starting to feel concerned.

Paul was sitting on one of the beds, eyes wide and unfocused. He was rocking back and forth, muttering under his breath. John was sitting next to him, tracing circles in the younger boy's back. "It's alright, Paulie. Everything's alright" whispered John.

"Paul? John? What's the matter, boys?" asked concerned Brian, grabbing his notepad.

"I think the mean man had appeared again" muttered lowly the auburn haired boy.  
"Did he take his medicines?" asked Brian, and even if he had to be professional he still cared for the boys a lot.

John nodded, hugging the younger boy when he buried his face in the crook of his neck, pleading John to make the mean man go away.

Brian just watched. If Paul had clung to John, than it was better to not touch him, or he would responded negatively.

John managed to calm down the poor boy, letting him whimper and cry against his chest.

"Paul?" whispered Brian once the boy had calmed down, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He looked up at Brian shyly, "I'm better now. I think the medicines hadn't kicked in yet" he explained. "Johnny, are you okay?" he asked, looking at his best friend.

One of the best qualities of Paul McCartney was that he was always trying to comfort his friends, even if he was not okay. He was a good hearted lad, always ready to comfort the others, especially John on his really bad days, when he would not talk with anyone and just scratch his wrist, a thing he always did when nervous and under stress.

John looked at him with concern, one hand kept brushing the younger boy's hair in a calming gesture.

"Ta, Johnny" he softly said, leaning closer to press a chaste kiss on the boy's cheek, making John smile and return the kiss.

Brian giggled, "John, your aunt Mimi is here" and he couldn't not smile at the big heartwarming smile John made as he heard.  
Brian stepped aside, letting a middle-aged woman came inside and John quickly got onto his feet, running towards her.

"Mimi! I missed you so much!" he said, clinging onto her. She smiled, kissing his forehead and returned the hug. "I miss you too, Johnny. The house is empty without you" she said, cupping the boy's face into her hands and pressing another kiss onto his forehead.

Paul, still on the bed, smiled and got up, heading out of the room to gave them some privacy with Brian in tow, still smiling at John's affection towards his auntie.

Brian, being a psychiatrist, knew that John's affection wasn't taken for granted.  
People with social issues like him didn't like talking with people, let alone being touched.

It took Brian about 2 months and half to get the boy's trust and about 3 months for him to actually talk and make eye contact with.

He remembered the first weeks he had been living here, a complete nightmare for all the nurses and a living Hell for the poor boy, who also had attachments issues after being abused and abandoned when he was little by his mother.

He had cried all night, falling asleep for exhaustiveness than actual need of sleep and he would also not talk or eat.  
The only time the doctors heard him say something, aside from manically screaming, was to him asking to call his auntie and that he needed auntie to fall asleep.

Later, Brian discovered that John, even if at the time he was 17, was still used to be tucked in bed every night and received a goodnight kiss by his aunt. He also discovered that the boy used to still wet the bed and so he was in nappies every night and that made Brian think there was something more than just selective mutism, and more autism like symptoms, but John had confided him that it was just because he didn't get to be looked over when he was an actual toddler.

Over time, Brian had gained John's complete trust.

When Paul had arrived, scared and lost, John had made his job to look after him and now the two were the best of friends, always ready to comfort one another and talk about their problems.

Upon reaching the common room, Paul smiled at Brian and went over to George and Richard, other two friends of him, to play cards together.

Brian still smiling, could easily say that he loved his job, making people feel better was his biggest goal.


	2. John and Paul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter!

Loud wails could be heard from a house.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You little slut, just stop crying!" a woman was shouting manically, shaking a small boy, who was crying.

"You little fucker, I told you to stop crying!" she shouted, slapping full force the small chubby cheek of the little child.

After a while, the little one's loud wails had reduced in just heartbreaking sobs and the woman just looked at him with pure disgust, getting her purse and going out, without even looking back at her crying son.

The little boy got on his feet and run to his bedroom. He walked towards the bed, getting his torn out teddy bear and, inside it, there were some money he had hid from his mother.

He gently hugged the teddy bear and run out from the house, in the direction of the bus stop.

As he rode on the bus, all the people were staring at him: it was unusual for a child so young to travel by himself, and the conditions in which the boy was were poor.

He was sitting with his knees tucked under his chin, skinny arms tightly holding an old, worn out teddy bear. His hair was short on the sides, longer on the top, reddish curls falling on his eyes.  
His skin was pale, cheekbones prominent even if the face was as chubby as you would expect to a child his age and one of the cheeks was showing a red handprint where his mother had slapped him before. His eyes were big and slanted, wide with curiosity and fear.

His clothes were too big for his small frame, the hem of the pants were going under his feet and the sleeves of the old dirty t-shirt were covering his small hands. A collarbone was visible, showing a purplish bruise. 

"Excuse me..."   
A young lady was snapped out of her thoughts when a small voice called at her.  
She looked down, seeing that small boy she had seen getting on the bus. "Can you please tell me where to get off to go to Menlo...Menloe Ave..."   
"Menlove Avenue?" she helped and the little boy nodded, "yeah, that's auntie's house" he said, more to himself than to the lady.

"You can sit here if you like" she proposed and the child nodded, jumping up on the empty seat next to the girl.  
"I'm Cynthia. What's your name?" she asked, keeping her voice calm. She had seen how the kid had flinched when the driver had talked to him with a loud voice.

"I'm John." he said softly, looking down. "What are you doing out there all alone?" she asked confused. The boy could not be older than 4 or 5, so why was he out in the dark by himself? He talked about his auntie living in Menlove Avenue, where was his mother?

John just shrugged, "mommy doesn't want me anymore, I'm going to auntie's" he said, voice a mere whimper and Cynthia's eyes widened.

The bus come to a stop and the girl and the little boy got off.

"What's your auntie's name?" asked Cynthia gently.   
"Mimi"   
"Mimi?" Cynthia used to go often to that street, since her grandma lived there, but she didn't know anyone called Mimi.  
"John, what's her surname? Do you know the address?" she asked.  
"Smith. I don't remember the address" he said, looking down.

"Smith... Smith... Is she married? You have an uncle?" she asked. There were three families with the surname Smith. John's eyes widened and the little boy nodded. "Yes, uncle George!" 

"Oh! Okay, okay, I know where they live!" she said, gently holding out her hand for him to take. John made a small smile and took it, blushing slightly. "Aw, what a cute boy you are" giggled the girl, walking through the street.

251 Menlove Avenue was a nice house, with a garden in the front and lots of flowers.

The two walked to the front door, Cynthia nervously knocking, whilst John was standing behind her, playing with some flowers.

The door opened, a young lady standing there with a scowl.  
"May I help you?"   
"Yes, ma'am, I-"   
"Auntie!" 

The eyes of who Cynthia assumed was Mimi Smith widened. "John?! What are you doing here?" she asked, alarmed. The little boy clung into her arms, "Where is your mother?" and Cynthia couldn't help but worry to how Mimi said 'mother', sounding like she had just bitten into a lemon.

John looked up with big pained eyes, "mom doesn't want me anymore..." he said, before burying his small face into Mimi's crook of neck.

"Mrs, came inside, let me at least prepare you a coffee" said Mimi with a small smile, shifting John on her other hip, one hand gently stroking the child's back.

Cynthia and Mimi, whose name was Mary, talked a lot and Cynthia, before returning home, had promised the little boy to came and say hi soon, earning a big smile and Mimi had thanked her, gifting her with a pie.

Some days after, whilst she was down to the market with her grandma, Cynthia had seen Mimi and John.  
The little boy had recognized her, quickly running to her and hugged her, Mimi thanked her again.

Months later, Cynthia was happy that John was now living with Mimi permanently.

Mary and Jim McCartney were in their bedroom, when their youngest son, Mike, came inside running.

"Mommy, daddy! Paul is weird again!" he said, eyes wide with fright.

They were going to reassure him that it wasn't true, when a loud thud and scream could be heard.

They sprinted out, heading to their oldest son's bedroom.

Paul was sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, eyes wide, hands tightly clasping his ears as he kept shouting to someone to leave him alone.

Mary quickly sprinted towards him, getting on her knees and gently scooped him up in her arms, earning screams.  
"Shhh, shhh, it's alright, Paul, the mean man is going away. Shh" she softly said, cradling him close and softly kissing his head. Paul finally calmed down, settling into his mother's arms with glassy, unfocused eyes.

Jim, who was standing in the doorway with Mike, quickly glanced at his wife concerned.  
They were now used to Paul's sudden outbursts and violently cries, but they were growing concerned.

Mary was a nurse, she was afraid that the boy had something wrong.

He was too young to be properly diagnosed with schizophrenia, being younger than 13, but they were afraid it was actually schizophrenia.

"Mommy, the mean man is only in head?" he asked, looking up at her. "Yes, sweetie, the mean man isn't here, okay?" she whispered softly, kissing his head.

Paul smiled, closing his eyes and falling asleep on his mommy's lap.

Often, Paul would play with Mike, than stopped talking and then looked at the empty space with a lost gaze.

Growing up, he tried to ignore his visions, but he when he saw people, he didn't know if they were real people or imaginary people made by his mind.

When he first arrived at the Liverpool Clinic, at age 15, he was completely lost and scared. The voices had stopped a bit, thanks to the medicines, but he was still scared.

The nurse, a nurse Paul didn't even remember her name, had shown him his bedroom and Paul was relived to see he had a roommate.

Looking at the boy, Paul blushed.

The boy was extremely good looking, with auburn hair styled into a quiff similar to Elvis Presley. The boy's eyes were a warm brown colour, slightly almond shaped. He was sitting leg crossed on the bed with a guitar on his lap, strumming.

"Hi. I'm... I'm Paul" he shyly said, brushing his hand under his neck.

The other boy looked at him smiling slightly. 'I'm John' was written on a pre written cardboard. 

Paul read it and smiled. "Nice to meet you John. You play guitar?" 

John nodded, holding out his guitar.  
Paul noted that he didn't hold eye contact.

The younger boy quickly undid his bags and laid down, falling quickly into a dreamless sleep.

John was woken up by whimpers and slightly moans. He looked at the other bed, seeing Paul, his new roommate, whimpering and trashing around the bed.

"Help... Help me, please! No... Leave me alone!" 

He quickly got out of bed, taking slow uncertain steps towards the bed.

He put his hand on his shoulder, shooking him.

"Paul? Wake up" he whispered.

The younger boy's eyes fluttered open. "Dad?" he whispered. John shooked his head, "I'm John..." 

"Sorry to have woken you up" he murmured, and John realized he was the first person aside from Mimi and his doctor he had talked in a long time, even if the two had just met that day.

Paul grinned, throwing his arms around his neck, burying his face into his chest.

John felt a warm sensation in his chest, hugging back.

Maybe the two broken boys had finally found a friend in each other.

And that was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

It was late in the afternoon when Mimi returned in John's room with the boy in her arms.

The poor boy was now non responsive, eyes tightly shut, holding on Mimi for dear life.

The woman quietly closed the door behind her and gently cradled the teenager, looking at him with pain filled eyes.

"Hey" her head snapped in the direction of the voice: Mary McCartney was still there, sitting on her son's bed with a sleeping-looking Paul.

"Oh! Hi, Mary, I didn't see you" greeted Mimi, her heart still beating fast due to the scare.

Mary chuckled nervously, "is he asleep?" she asked, pointing to the cuddled up John. Mimi looked down and shooked her head, "He's in in shock" she softly explained, walking towards her nephew's bed and setting down. She gently lowered John, but the boy quickly shrieked in fright, gripping Mimi's arms with tear-filled eyes.  
He eyed Mary wearily, his mouth opened, but no sound came out, shooking both women.

John's mutism had never acted in front of Mary. The woman was John's best friend's mother and she was a strong, sweet woman, just like his aunt.

In fact, Mimi and Mary had quickly become friends and John had even passed one night at Paul's, without troubles.

Whenever the two would meet up in their boys' room and started talking about everything, John and Paul would roll their eyes, saying "the two Marys are the scariest thing ever existed" and the two would just roll their eyes, swatting the teens on the back of the head, earning bright naughty grins.

Mimi softly picked John up again, settling him on her lap, legs either sides of her, chest against hers and his head on her shoulder. One of her hands softly carded in the boy's wavy auburn hair, relaxing the distressed boy.

"Nappy" he murmured, his voice muffled by Mimi's shoulder, "You want a nappy to sleep, Johnny?" she whispered, still caressing his hair.

The boy nodded slightly, letting Mimi lowered him down on his bed to get up to take a nappy.

Mary kept looking at them, still cradling Paul to her chest and brushing his hair.

Paul was awake, but almost completely catatonic, his body, in her arms, was quite still, eyes wide, blinking slowly and his face was completely blank and avoided of every emotion.

She saw how Mimi gently undressed John, putting his head and arms in the holes of his t-shirt, his body completely slack like a potatoes bag.  
She then took off his trousers and pants, before lowering him on top of a fluffy nappy.

"Here, Johnny. Want to take a kip?" she whispered, her voice never growing in volume.

John shooked his head, his hand still gripping Mimi's shirt.

"Mary, what happened to Paulie?" he asked softly, voice cracking from lack of use, his face half-buried in the pillow, hands never leaving Mimi, and Mary smiled sadly, keeping at brushing Paul's sweaty bangs from his forehead.

"They had sedated him. He had an horrible fit, starting shouting and throwing things, and even hitting himself. When I had arrived, he was already out of it, he was here in the room, already curled up in bed, looking completely catatonic. I'm not even sure he knows I'm here" she whispered, curling her fingers through the black, thick hair on his baby's head.

"He knows you're here" muttered John, his voice barely a whisper, that in the deafening silence of the room seemed like he was shouting.

"How do you know?"   
"When you stop stroking his hair, before, he furrowed a bit his eyebrows. I know it, because he did it every time I stop stroking his hair when I'm comforting him" explained the boy, sitting up in bed before crawling into his aunt's lap.

Mimi sighed softly, kissing the back of his hair and cuddled him, the boy made an appreciative noise and twisted around, so he had his face buried into her chest.

That's how Brian had found the four when he got in to check on the boys.

He smiled softly, seeing Mary cradling Paul and Mimi gently talking into John's ear.

The auburn haired boy was just there, thumb in his mouth just like a baby, nappy obviously showing under the pyjama pants, hands twisted into her shirt and tearstained cheeks.

"So, how the boys are doing?" he asked with a low voice. With both Paul and John it was better to use a low, calm voice, so to not scare them.

"Paul's asleep" whispered Mary, kissing the boy's forehead.   
"John's a bit in shock" whispered Mimi, stroking his face.

"What happened?" asked Brian concerned, getting closer to the bed.

"I saw mom today..." 

The man and the two women looked shocked at the boy, especially Mimi.

"You what?" whispered-shouted Mimi, eyes filling with rage.

"I was out with Cynthia and I was walking my way here in time to be present when you were going to arrive and she was waiting for me at the front door..." he said, voice trembling. He whined when Mimi tightened her grip maybe too much and the woman muttered an apology as she let him a bit.

"She seemed so happy to see me but I wasn't... I swear I wasn't..." he was now sobbing, tears making his way down his cheeks.

"Please, don't make me go back with her again!" he whined, burying his face into his auntie's chest.

Mimi started to shush him, gently kissing his head and cheeks.

"John, I'm not going to send you back. Never. Aside if you want to, obviously" but her question was just met by a shook of the head and his arms tightening around her.

"No, I want auntie" he said, sounding like a five years old.

Mary cooed, laying completely down Paul, his head on her lap and her hand still stroking his head.

Mimi's expression was completely one of rage.

"That bastard. Oh, how I was happy when she disappeared. She's the main cause of John's selective mutism" muttered angrily the woman, looking at John's tired eyes.

"She wanted me to go back to hers, but I didn't answer and so she got angry" he whispered, eyes half closed with strain "I finally found my voice and told her no. She was angry, saying that she's my mother and so I should live with her. I was angry too, I told her to fuck off and so she hit me. At that point I run inside and you found me..." he ended in a strained whisper, falling asleep against his aunt's chest.

The room was quiet. Mimi's eyes were glued onto her nephew's face.

"Julia would not have you back. Who the fuck she thinks she is? She had left you, you decided to live with me, and now? And now she wants to return into your life and take you way from me? I'm your mother-" her rant was interrupted by John's sleepy voice.

"You're my mommy in everything but the name and I'm so glad to have you..." he whispered almost inaudibly, falling asleep once again.

Mary and Brian looked as Mimi's eyes filled with tears.


	4. Chapter 4

Paul woke up slowly, his mind still hazy and foggy from the sedative the doctor gave to him.  
He yawned, rubbing tiredly his eyes and turned to lay on his side, smiling softly.

John was asleep facing him, his face half buried on the pillow. His hair was messy against the pillow, the early morning light was giving it a reddish colour. 

John always got mad when someone would said he was a redhead, insisting that the colour was auburn.  
Paul always insisted that it was red, and it was true, under that light it was red.

His cheeks and nose were littered slightly by freckles, making him look more soft looking than what he really was.

"Johnny, wake up!" said Paul, getting up from the bed, stretching his lite form until his spine popped.

He lazily walked to the bed, plopping himself on top of him.

John shrieked at the sudden weight, snapping his eyes open.

"Paul, you little-!" he shouted, hitting his friend on the chest with a finger.

Paul laughed, snuggling his head further on the other boy's chest. 

The two settled down in a comforting silence, John rubbing his back and Paul making a spider-y like thing on the other's arm.

The door opened and a nurse came inside, bringing the patients' medicines.

She seemed surprised to see the two boys both into one bed, but didn't comment.

Paul thanked her, but John barely met her gaze.

The girl's eyebrow rose.  
"He's not going to talk to you" said Paul with a blank, uncaring face, his arm gripping John's.

The boy just nodded, his gaze still on the bedsheets.

The girl just shrugged, exiting the room without even glancing again at the two boys.

Paul and John settled back in bed with their breakfasts when Paul's eyes widened.

"Paul...?" asked alarmed John, thinking that Paul was having one of his visions. "We're going home today!" shouted the black haired boy, looking with wide eyes his friend.

John furrowed an eyebrow, "Yeah, and...?" 

"We're not going to see each other for two weeks!" shouted the boy.

John's eyes widened, "Oh! I'm going to miss you..." he softly said, grabbing Paul by the shoulders and quickly pulled him into a hug.

Paul's eyes filled with tears. "Johnny, can we see each other some day whilst on holiday? We do live close" whispered the boy and John nodded softly, "Sure, it would do some good to see some friends, I don't have any back in Mendips" whispered back the auburn haired boy, pulling away from the hug to see Paul's eyes.

He gently smiled, wiping a few escaped tears from Paul's eyes.

The two grinned, walking out to go in the common room, where their families were supposed to wait for them.

They smiled, seeing them.

Mary McCartney and Mary Smith were happily talked together, Jim McCartney and George Smith were talking too, whilst Mike, Paul's younger brother, was standing by the side, looking uncomfortable.

"Mom, dad!"  
"Auntie, uncle!" 

They quickly run to Mary's and Mimi's waiting arms, who were happy to see their boys.

Jim and George smiled, patting the boys on their backs, they were happy too to be able to take them home.

"We were thinking..." started Mary, smiling, "...that maybe we could eat all together one of these days" finished Mimi, smiling as Paul and John's eyes brightened.

"Really? It would be beautiful!" shouted excited Paul, throwing his arms around his mother's neck.

John too nodded happily, hugging Mimi with a big smile.

He wasn't going to talk much, feeling quite scared since he wasn't completely comfortable with Paul's father yet, even if the man was understanding about John's condition.

Mike scoffed loudly and Paul looked at him with a hard glare, "No one is obliging you to stay with us, Mike. I don't even know why you have come here to pick me up" he said coldly.

It was obvious that Mike and Paul weren't really on good terms.  
Mike, after Paul's diagnosed, had quite distanced from him, afraid of his brother's outbursts.  
He had also told him that he was tired to have a freak like him as a brother, hurting the boy's feelings, especially since Paul's feelings were heightened by the stress and the medications.

"Mom, that's who" spitted back Mike, looking at Paul with an as equally hard stare.

"Yes! Because you're brothers and siblings should be unite!" said Mary, tired of seeing her kids so cruel to each other, especially Mike on Paul, she hated that Mike would vent his anger on Paul's disease.

George and John snickered, and Mary looked at them, "What?"  
"Well, Mimi and her sisters aren't the most perfect example for that" snickered George and Mimi blushed slightly. "It's not true, the only one I don't talk to it's Julia" she said, frowning as she said the so hated sister's name.

John went rigid next to her and the woman gently took hold of his hand, softly shushing him, "I'm sorry, Johnny, I didn't want to say her name..." she apologized.

"Than it's all sat!" chirped Mary, clapping her hands, "We're going to have so much fun!" 

After having greeted each other, the McCartneys and the Smiths made their way to their house.

A week had passed, John and Paul had talked every day on the phone and even met up at John's once, and finally the dinner day had arrived.

That morning, Paul had woken up and, as routine, he looked over, to wake John up.

He had almost slapped himself, remembering that he was at home and not at the clinic.

He got up, walking downstairs without raising his feet from the floor, eyes half closed.

"Paulie" 

He looked at his right, seeing John next to him.  
"John? Watcha doin' here?" he asked confused.

John just grinned.

"Paul? Honey, who are you talking with?" His mother's voice snapped him out and Paul gulped, realising that it was just a vision from his disease.

"With no one, mom" blushed Paul, sitting at the table and starting giggling when the imaginary John started tickling his tummy. 

Out from the corner of his eyes he could see Mike's disgusted look at him.

He quickly gulped, shooking his head and started eating, eyeing the pills he had to take after.

He sighed, shakily putting the two colourful pills and gulped them down with the help of the orange juice.

It can't help but worry for the evening.

He sighed again, making his way upstairs. The medicines were always making him feel funny.  
He fell asleep in an instant.

Mike groaned, being pulled awake by a scream and the sound of something being throw.  
He could hear the voice of his father and mother, reassuring his brother that everything was alright and the earsplitting screams slowly stopped.

He walked into the other bedroom, finding Paul asleep in their mother's arms, pyjama completely wet by urine and a cut on his cheek, probably made by something he had thrown.

Mike sighed. He was so tired of all of this.

John was standing in front of the full length mirror in his aunt's room, nervously thinking if the suit was good enough.  
His mind had already provided him the worst scenarios possible and the poor boy had already went under two panic attacks, that were luckily stopped by Mimi.

"Oh, John, you're as cute as a button!" cooed Cynthia, who was sat on the bed behind him.

The poor boy had called her for advice and Mimi, who was going to be forever thankful to her since the day she had helped him find the way to Mendips when he was five, had let them stay in her room.

John nervously sighed, twisting his hands and turning around, his frightened almond eyes looking into hers. "Is it true?" he whispered, voice getting lower with fright.

Cynthia nodded, getting up and carefully engulfed him into a hug. "You're beautiful, John. Your boyfriend is going to love it" she teased, enjoying how John's face reddened.

"He's not my boyfriend!" shrieked embarrassed and the woman giggled, "Boyfriend, roommate, there's hardly a difference."

John rolled his eyes, slapping the back of her head without rage.  
"Oh, you should talk! You literally look like you're about to explode!" he said grinning and Cynthia rolled her eyes, "It's called being pregnant, silly. I thought you knew the story of the birds and the bees" she teased.  
"Of course I know it, git. Do you think I should do something to my hair?" he asked anxiously.

"Nah, I think you're good like this" she affirmed and John nodded, just as Mimi entered the room. 

"Oh wow! Who's this gentleman?" she asked, smiling fondly at her boy, who grinned and run downstairs to put on his shoes.

"Thank you, Cyn" she softly said to the pregnant woman, a hand on her shoulder. "Oh, that's the least I can do" she assured, smiling.

After that, she made her way back home, whilst John, Mimi and George drove to their destination.

"You look beautiful" grinned shyly Paul at John whilst the two were sat at the dining table. "Thanks, you too" grinned back the older boy.

The others around the table looked fondly at them, aside for Mike, who looked about to throw up.

"Ah, this young love" teased Mary, earning a laugh from Mimi. 

"We're not together" responded the two st the same time, faces reds like tomatoes.

Though, they were unaware of someone watching the two boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very rushed chapter!  
Keep sending comments, they always make me happy :)


	5. Chapter 5

The dinner had been nice up to that point, the two families talking and laughing together.

Paul could feel eyes burning holes on him and he looked up from his plate with a raised eyebrow.

Mike was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face, blankly eating whilst his judging eyes were looking between him and John.

Paul could feel John growing more and more upset the more Mike was staring at him and quickly grasped his hand, holding it strongly and reassuring in his smaller one. The auburn haired boy looked shyly at him, blushing slightly as he returned the grip.

Mike quickly throw on the plate his cutlery and quickly got up without explanation, leaving his parents and guests to look at him.

"I'm sorry for his behavior" apologized embarrassed Mary, quickly getting up and ran upstairs to his younger son's bedroom.

"Mike! What are you doing?" she asked angrily, looking as Mike promptly ignored her.

"When I'm talking with you I aspect an answer!" she said, snatching the magazine from his hands.

Mike scoffed loudly, "I don't want to stay at Paul's pity party with his equally disturbed friend" he said, voice ice cold.

Mary was paralyzed with angriness. No. Rage.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Mike! Paul isn't disturbed. And so isn't John-!" 

"Tsk, c'mon, mom really? Paul isn't disturbed? He fucking hears voices in his head! He fucking talks by himself! He fucking sees people that aren't real! And don't let me start on his fucking outbursts and screams, I'm so fucking tired of waking up in the middle of the night to him shouting manically and throwing things around and fucking starts crying because he has fucking wetted his trousers like a fucking baby!" 

Mike was now standing up in front of his mother, eyes wide with anger, chest heaving from his laboured breath.

In his 15 years he had grown a lot and was now taller than both Mary and Paul, even if Paul was two years older.  
His eyes were cold and cruel, just like the words he had just spitted, full of venom.

Mary couldn't believe it.

"The day you and dad had sent him to that clinic was the best day of my life. I fucking throw a party with my friends!" he sneered, walking out.

Mary just stood her, eyes wide before quickly returning downstairs.

She entered the dining room, face pale.

At the same time, the sound of the front door being closed could be heard.

"Mary, is everything alright? Should we go?" asked Mimi, concern showing in her almond shaped eyes.

Mary looked at her and smiled, "No, Mimi, please stay" she reassured, walking to the kitchen.

"Who wants some cake?" she cheered, returning with the chocolate pie and serving it neatly into plates.

Paul and John had grown incredibly quiet, just holding each other hand under the table and staring down.

"John...?" said quietly Mimi.  
No answer.  
"Johnny, honey, look at me, please..." pleaded softly the woman.

She knew that if she didn't intervened the boy's selective mutism was going to act out.  
She slowly kneeled next to his chair.

John slowly looked up with eyes full of tears and Mimi gently took a hold of him, hiding his face in the crook of her neck, muttering softly in his ear.

"You don't hate me?" he asked and Mimi's heart broke. The tone of John's voice was so vulnerable...

"No, Johnny, I would never hate you! You're my beautiful little boy" she cooed, kissing softly his forehead.

"I love you auntie, I love you uncle" mumbled John, burying his face further into her neck.

"We love you too" smiled George.

Paul, in the meantime, had locked eyes with his mother.

She held him up, sitting at his place and putting the boy on her lap.

"I'm sorry mom" he muttered, his face buried on her neck and Mary felt the natural sensation of Paul's wet face on her neck, the hot puffs of hair from his cries making her skin tingle.

It made her remember all the times she had held him close when he was little or every time she had comforted him after one of his episodes.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"It's my fault, mom. It's my fault that Mike is like this, we could have been a normal family if it wasn't for me. I'm just a crazy boy, you should have left me in the clinic even now during holidays" he cried out.

They all stared at him shocked, even John had lifted his face from Mimi to look at him.

"Paul, no! It's not your fault! We wouldn't change you. Sure, schizophrenia is hard to bear, but you shouldn't blame yourself for something you hadn't wanted" said Jim, posing a gentle hand on Paul's shoulder.

"If you weren't in the clinic I wouldn't have met my best friend" whispered John and Paul's eyes widened, the boy quickly throw his arms around the other's neck.

They stayed in silence after that, the adults looking at each other with pained expressions, whilst the two boys were still tightly holding each other.

"It's time for us to go, John had fallen asleep" giggled George to Mimi, who gently untangled his limbs from Paul's.

Mary smiled, picking Paul up to carry him upstairs, "It's better if I put this young man into his nighttime nappy" giggled the woman, looking down at her boy's sleeping features.

Due to Paul's conditions, he had started wetting the bed basically every night, so Mary had putted him back in nappies.

Though the boy was completely embarrassed, he had agreed since it was less embarrassing than wait for the nurse to came and change the sheets.

Plus, John too was wearing nappies, so everything was more bearable.

"Mimi, do you think that John fit into Paul's nappies?" she asked as the two women carried them upstairs.

"I think yes" answered the woman, laying John on the bed next to Paul.

They quickly putted them in nappies, fastening the straps and saw how the two boys had relaxed visibly.

Paul's nappies, Mimi noted, were way thicker than John's, so thick that when the boy's aunt had putted on his trousers again, it was visible and made his hips bulk out a lot more than with John's usual nappies.

"Mary, may I ask you what brand this nappies are?" she asked, re-picking up John. Mary, who had tucked in bed Paul, smiled brightly at her, accompanying her friend downstairs.

"They're Pampers. I recommend them, they have a great absorbency. Only negative note is that, as you can see, are quite bulky and thick, making difficult to walk" she explained, now standing next to her husband as Mimi passed John into George's arms.

"Oh, talking about nappies?" said amused Jim and George couldn't agree more. Mary and Mimi giggled and Mary returned upstairs to retrieve a pack of nappies to give to Mimi.

"You shouldn't have, Mary!" exclaimed the older woman, but the younger one just shrugged her hand. "It's alright, Mimi. With all the nappies you have lent to me and Paul in the past few days it's the least I can do. Plus you can see if they are better for John or not."

And with that, the Smith family returned home.

Mary and Jim had just finished clearing the table when they heard a scream from upstairs.

Paul was having a nightmare or maybe an hallucination.

They entered their son's bedroom and found Paul in the middle of the bedroom, eyes wide, rocking back and forth on the soles of his feet.

"Paul?" whispered softly Mary, getting closer, Jim already with the boy's pills in hand.

"Mom, the mean man is calling me. He wants me to go with him!" he said, voice slow and he was unsteady on his feet.

Mary sprinted towards him, catching him just in time as he was falling, picking him up and putting him back in bed.  
She dutifully checked his nappy before laying down next to him as a reassurance that she was really here, that she wasn't an hallucination.

Paul grinned, wide eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Look!" he said, grinning madly, "isn't the ceiling pretty, with all these pretty colours?" 

"Yes, Paulie, it's very pretty. But now, honey, you have to swallow what daddy's going to give you, okay?" said softly Mary, nodding at Jim, who gently putted the pill on Paul's slightly parted lips.

Paul swallowed down the pill, gently cuddling into his mommy's arms, shivering as the medicine kicked in.

Mary's eyes never left Paul's face as his droopy eyes closed, the boy slowly falling into a dreamless sleep.

It wasn't fair that Paul couldn't sleep without the aid of medications.

They wish they could do something more for him.

Mimi and George had long since arrived home and putted the sleeping John into bed.

Mimi was looking at the nappies Mary had give to her, thinking to start buy the same brand.

"Mimi! Mimi!" she heard John's scared voice coming from upstairs and she quickly ran up.

"What's wrong, John?" she said, walking towards the bed.

John was sitting up, trembling.  
As soon as Mimi was in reach, he clung to her desperately.

"What's wrong, honey? Nightmare?" she softly said, caressing his auburn hair.

John nodded, posing his head on his aunt's shoulder, enjoying the comfort.

"I dreamt that mom had killed you and uncle George so that I had to go to her house. Then she killed Cynthia and the baby and than Paul. And Mike McCartney was there too, laughing when mom killed Paul." murmured John, shocking Mimi.

"God, John! Shh, it's alright, auntie is here, I'm not going anywhere. Do you want some milk to sleep?" she said softly, looking into his eyes.

John shooked his head, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Nappy wet, auntie..." he murmured, not even embarrassed, not even when Mimi putted her finger inside the nappy from the leg's hole of it, rubbing the finger in the pad.

"Okay, are you tired?" she asked, sitting him up.

John nodded again, his shortsighted eyes blinking wearily at her, "Can I sleep in your bedroom?" he asked, sounding like a little kid.

"Of course you can, bud. Go in it whilst I take the things to change your nappy, uncle hasn't got to bed yet" she said, grabbing another one of the nappies she had received, along with wipes and powder.

They walked the corridor, John's nappy crinkling with every step, sagging low between his legs, completely yellow and heavy from all the pee, and the boy whined. "What's up, John?" she asked when they had entered, laying down John on top of the bed.   
"It's cold and wet!" he whined and Mimi begun to change him, cleaning him with long swipes of the wet wipe. John just looked up at her with slowly closing eyes, whimpering as the powder was sprinkled on his butt and than he was lowered down, his butt landing softly on the cotton-y surface of the nappy.

He sighed contently as the woman taped it on, gathering his relaxed body in her arms and got in bed with him, starting singing a lullaby.

George walked in, getting in his side of bed and gently rubbed John's back, seeing as John was slowly falling asleep.

The woman and the man looked at each other, sighing softly.   
Mimi swearing revenge on her sister, the woman who was the cause of most of John's mental distress, and George thinking how it wasn't fair that his innocent nephew had to suffer so much.

As the cold night carried on, two distressed boys were sleeping, both not knowing what the next day would bring, both asleep next to their loved ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a fixation for nappies, if you couldn't tell lol.  
Hope you enjoyed, leave a comment to let me know what you think about the fic, even constructive criticism!
> 
> I feel like explaining I few things, let me know if you think is a good idea:  
-John and Cynthia are best friends and Cynthia is pregnant of Julian, but John isn't the father. John is attracted to Paul and, in later chapters where the baby is born, the two boys would often babysit him.  
-Mike is especially cruel to Paul and John.  
-Julia Lennon, like seen in the previous chapters, had abandoned John at a young age. I know that the real John was happy when she returned, but in this fic he's completely angry at her, considering Mimi his mother.  
-Mary McCartney would not die.  
-Both Paul's and John's behavior are completely invented by me. They were two strong men, whilst on my fic they would be two incredibly vulnerable boys.
> 
> And nothing else, let me know in the comments and I hope you'll read the other chapters!


	6. Chapter 6

One week had passed from the dinner at the McCartney's and it was time for Paul and John to return at the clinic.

They had agreed to meet up at John's house, where Mimi was than going to accompanied them back at the clinic since both Mary and Jim were working.

Mary rung the doorbell, eyeing carefully Paul.

Her son was paler than usual, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent. His big hazel eyes were more droopier than usual and Mary, who was a nurse, was suspecting that Paul had catched a cold.

She putted a hand on his forehead, earning a weak groan of protest from the boy, when the door opened, showing both Mimi and John, ready to go.

John's grin, though, left his face the second he saw Paul.

"Hey mate, are you sure to be okay?" he asked, concern obvious in his voice.  
"I'm fine, Johnny" answered Paul with a small smile, his eyes showing how tired he really was.

Mary said her goodbye, kissing Paul a few times before they got in the car, Mimi driving and both boys in the back of the car.

During the journey, that was about half an hour long, there was mostly silence, aside from small talk made mostly by Mimi, and answered by the two boys in just monosyllabic answers or hums, than actual conversation.

She eventually stopped to try and make conversation when she saw that Paul had fallen asleep, head against John's shoulder and an arm around him, and her nephew just looking at the landscape.

They arrived and Mimi said goodbye, watching as the two young boys made their way inside.

Brian Epstein could said to have gained John's trust and it was true, by most part.

Brian was the only doctor John talked to, and that made the older man feel a happy feeling inside, not that he liked seeing the boy in so much psychological pain, because he didn't like it, but mostly because he had battled long to gain the boy's trust.

Most doctors or nurses, after trying a few times, in vain, to make John talk had just renounced, treating like he had some sort of mental disability, usually talking pretty loud and slow at him, showing him things with their hands, things that made both John and Brian feel angry.

John wasn't retarded or anything, he was rather smart, just he didn't feel comfortable talking and being around people.  
Sure, sometimes at the start, and still sometimes now, when the boy would be worse and having his bad days, Brian had had to bodily undress him and dress him, but doing it in a way that he could made John do it on his own if he wanted.

John was mostly quiet, sometimes even giving the impression to have lost him, as quiet he was.

Brian wasn't used to it, since most people recovered in there would had pretty much screamed their heads off and it was quite a good change, in the doctor's opinion.

With Paul it was another story. The boy was charming and sweet, but, since he had a rather delicate illness such as schizophrenia, sudden outbursts and screaming weren't unusual. The only people who could touch him during one of those were his mother and John.  
Brian wasn't sure why John, but the auburn haired boy was the only one in the clinic who could made Paul completely calm down and reassured him.

Brian was preparing to go home after his shift when a rather young nurse had come to get him.

"I don't know" she said, sounding bored, "One of your patients, I don't know his name, had passed out and his friend won't tell me what happened" she finished, clicking her tongue.

Brian looked alarmed at her, "You said he wouldn't talk? Like he told you that he wasn't going to say what happened?"

"No, not that. He looked completely frightened, but didn't talk when I asked him what happened. Just whimpered and grabbed his hand. I think he had even wetted his trousers" she said, sounding amused.

Brian sprinted towards the stairs, nurses just behind him, taking the steps two at time, and finally founding himself on the third floor.

He panted, getting closer and gulped, in fright.

Paul was on the floor, head propped up on John's lap.  
His face was as white as a sheet, cheeks bright red and, when Brian had gotten close enough to feel his breath, breathing shallowly.  
His hair was slicked in sweat and low, weak moans were coming from his slightly parted lips.

"John..." he muttered lowly, glassy hazel eyes peering from long eyelashes and John, completely paralyzed by fear, could just grip his hand to make him know he was there.

Paul's smiled slightly, before his eyes rolled in the back of his head.

The medics sprinted in action.

"John" called Brian, posing a hand on the boy's shoulder, seeing how he jumped frightened.

"You have to leave Paul's hand so that the doctors could bring him in the hospital wing" he explained softly, rubbing the boy's tensed shoulders.

John made a soft noise, the one that meant he didn't want to do something.

"John, hon, let the doctors take care of Paul. As soon as we can, I'm bringing you down to see him, okay?" he softly said, managing to untangle John's fingers from Paul's.

The auburn haired boy nodded, his eyes clouding with tears.

John was a very sensitive boy and, when upset, everything could sent him cry quite easily.

Brian got on his feet, dragging a death-weight John to his room, before closing the door softly behind him.

Everyone knew that whenever John had worked himself in a state like thus the only one who could take care of him was Brian.

John would let Brian do anything he wanted with him.

"John, can you tell me what happened?" he said softly, gathering a new pair of trousers, because the nurse was right, he did had wetted himself, probably in fright.

John looked at him with big sad eyes, "His mother thought he was going to catch a cold soon, but you know how Paul is, always denying that he's sick, and when we were making our way here he just collapsed. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do" he said in a whisper.

Brian held out a pair of trousers and pants, but the look on John's face made him think that maybe the boy needed the reassurance of a nappy, that was almost his comforting object.

He asked him if he wanted to put the nappy on by himself, but he just started at him so Brian made quick work on diapering him, not that he had any problem in putting the 19-year-old in his nappy, everything to make him feel a little better.

He had just tucked him in bed, completely calm since Paul's collapse, when the door busted open.

"Doctor Epstein, Mr. Paul McCartney's conditions had worsened!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a bit of a cliffhanger :)  
Expect more angst coming in the next chapters!  
Let me know your opinion about the chapter :)


	7. Chapter 7

"Mr. Paul McCartney's conditions had worsened!"

Brian and John ran downstairs to the hospital wing, John wearing just his nappy, thing that made a lot of doctors and nurses looked at him weirdly.

They stopped in front of the room's door, a doctor blocking the way.

"Excuse me, can we enter?" had said Brian, John looking him with worried, scared eyes, hands twitching by his sides.

"I'm afraid not, doctor Epstein. Paul has measles. Nothing really worse, but he must be stay in isolation in the hospital room. Young man" he said, looking at John, who quickly looked down and gripped Brian's hand, "Do you ever had measles before?" 

John didn't answer, barely making eye contact as he rocked back and forth on his feet.

Brian looked at him, nudging him with his hand, "John?" 

The boy looked at the doctor, shyly shooking his head in negation.

"Than you must be as far as you can from him. We don't want you to get sick, do we?" said the older doctor laughing.

"Paul's symptoms are a high fever and trembles, hallucinations-"  
"He suffers from schizophrenia" said Brian, since the hallucination were probably due to that.  
"Oh. Well, we've gave him some medicines and fever reducers, so he would be alright for the night. If he got worse, we'll call you, okay?" 

John whined, pointing towards the bedroom, trying to enter it. "No, John, you can't get inside. Paul is fine, nothing will happen to him, okay? Why don't we go upstairs and got you in bed? We could call your aunt or someone your close with?" he said, trying to coax the younger boy to go upstairs. John whined, leaning to whisper into his doctor's ear.

"He asked when Paul will be able to return to their bedroom" said Brian.

"Well, at least a week but-" his words were interrupted by John running away.

"Shit!" swore Brian, running in the direction where John had disappeared.

He was getting agitated, until he ran outside.

John was sitting on one of the few benches of the back garden, knees tucked under his chin as much as he could due to his nappy. His eyes were tightly shut and his ears were covered by his hands.

Brian walked closer and sat down next to the boy.

"John" he said softly, noticing how the boy's body was trembling for the cold.  
He took off his coat, lowering it on John's shoulders and the boy slowly opened his eyes.

"Paul is going to leave me..." it was said in such a soft tone that Brian, even if sitting closer, had difficulties to heard it. "What? What do you mean? You heard the doctor, he's going to be fine!" said Brian but John just shooked his head.  
"Doctor said that Stu was going to be alright, and than he died" mumbled the boy, pain evident in his voice and Brian's eyes widened. 

Stuart Sutcliffe was John's best and only friend growing up.  
One day, whilst he was at school, he got sick. The doctor said he was going to be alright, saying that he was just a fever. Two days after, he died of a brain hemorrhage.

Since then, John had been absolutely skeptical and afraid of doctors, so much that he had had to be dragged whenever he had to do a check-up.  
Brian had assisted at one of the shots he had to take, and the boy had cried all the time it took the doctor to do it, head buried in Mimi's neck as the woman was comforting him.

John, in Brian's opinion, had suffered too much through his 19 years on this planet.

"John, measles aren't life threatening. He got cured in time, he will be alright. Now, why don't you let me walk you to your room? You will get sick staying out in this cold wearing just a nappy and a t-shirt" he said softly, grabbing gently his arm.  
John docilely let the man dragged him upstairs, receiving whispered comments between nurses.

Brian was angry, nurses should have compassion, not so much judgment.  
One of those, Brian recognized her as the girl that had called him an hour before, when Paul had collapsed.

She was standing by a desk, laughing and talking with a colleague, laughters multiplied when the doctor and the patient passed by her.

"He's 19 years old and yet he still wets his trousers" laughed one of the girls.  
"Yes, look at him, walking around wearing a nappy like a baby" laughed the nurse.

Brian hoped that John hadn't heard, but the slight shaky breath he got when he looked his way, told him that John had perfectly heard. 

When they reached the bedroom, Brian had made a mental note of going to the superior and told him about the behavior of his nurses.  
It was for that reason that with him worked only a few nurses that he had personally selected and they were compassionate, but treated every person as a human begin, rather than a mentally unstable person.

They were standing just outside of the bedroom.  
"John, I'm going to see Paul and then when I have information I return here, is it okay for you?" he asked, putting his hands on John's shoulders.  
"Yes, Eppy, please let me know if he's alright. I can't lose another best friend" said the boy with teary eyes, but at least he wasn't crying anymore.

Brian smiled nodding, before walking downstairs, leaving John to enter his bedroom.

"So, what are his symptoms?" Brian was anxiously pacing back and forth the aisle, whilst doctor Roberts was watching sympathetically.

"He has a fever and slight chest pains. We've got him on some medicines to both reduce the fever and to less the pain too. He's stable now, but he's still unconscious due to the medications for his schizophrenia"  
"Yes, about that, does the medicines interfere with the things he's already prescribed with?" asked the psychiatrist.  
"No, they don't. I'm more preoccupied with the mental state of the other boy, though." said Roberts, "Does he not talk? I'm not a psychiatrist, and I don't know if he's under your care, but that boy seemed incredibly jumpy and plus, is he incontinent?" asked the man.

Brian looked at him dead in the eyes, "He is my patient, yes. I'm tired of people addressing him badly, he doesn't talk because of all the traumatic things that had happened to him since a young age. He is capable to do so and once he trusts you, he will talk to you. He's just scared and uncomfortable and no, he just has a problem of bed wetting" defended the man. Roberts nodded, "He seemed scared when I told that his friend wasn't going to return to their bedroom until a week or so" Brian nodded, "I know. Be sincere, Paul is going to be completely alright, right? No permanent damages or anything?"  
"No. Well, he is a bit old for measles, but no. He's going to return perfectly healthy and normal in a week or so."

Brian nodded satisfied, before returning upstairs to give John the wonderful news.

However, when he got inside the room his mood worsened.

Julia Lennon, the very same woman that was the first cause of all of John's mental problems, was standing in the middle of the room.  
Apparently, she was trying to make John get out from the bathroom, where the boy had hidden.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, having difficulties to hide his anger.

Julia just smiled, "I was just visiting my baby boy, but something upsetted him and now he won't come out of the bathroom" she said innocently.

"Maybe, miss, he just doesn't want to see you" said Brian from gritted teeth, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.

"I don't think it's true, I love my baby and he loves me"

At that moment, an earpiercing scream come from the bathroom.

"Make her go away! Make her go away!" could be heard between wails and sobs and Brian quickly marched towards the woman.  
"Miss, I will ask this nicely one more time, than I'll call security. Please, go away." he said sternly.

The woman scoffed, sitting down on one bed with her arms crossed across her chest. "Make me" she challenged.

Brian quickly called security. "Please, escort this woman out" he ordered and Julia looked at him incredulously.

"No! Wait!" he said suddenly, "Let her stay in the hall, I have to make a phone call."

"You're not going to call the police, right?" she whispered but Brian ignored her.

The guards escorted her downstairs, making her sit on one of the armchairs.

Back up in John's bedroom, Brian was trying to make the boy get out, whilst he made his favorite nurse, a boy named Pete Best, call someone.

"Johnny, she went away. She went away, little one" he cooed softly, taking two steps back when John thrown himself on him, crying on his chest.

"I... I don't want to see her... Ever again... She hurted me in so many ways..." said John between sobs.

At that moment, Pete entered the room. "Sir, I called her!" he said, getting closer. "Good, Best. Now, John, you stay up here with Mr.Best whilst I talk with that person I called, okay?" he said softly. John looked at him and then at Pete, before nodding softly.

Pete smiled too, sitting next to the auburn haired one.

John liked Pete. He was always nice to him and would often talk to him, even if their talks were mostly monologues. He would often hear him play guitar too and play cards with him and Paul quite often.  
Plus, he didn't judge him, or if he did judge him, at least not on his face, like he was some kind of dumb kid who couldn't understand.

Pete too liked John. He was calmer than at lest half of the patients. He knew that behind the lad's scared attitude there was a very smart boy and he was like that just because he had suffered a lot during his life.  
Though John won't talk with him, as doctors he just talked to Brian, at least he usually glanced at him, smiling shyly when their gazes would met.  
Being Mr.Epstein's favorite nurse, he was often in John's company, since John was the doctor's most cared patient, the one who was basically like a son to the older man.

"Okay lad" he exclaimed, fetching a stack of cards from the bedside table, "Where were we last time we played?" he asked grinning, earning a bright smile by the other boy.

Brian grinned behind his hand at the sight.

Mary Elizabeth 'Mimi' Smith, née Stanley, was the most scary person ever seen on earth when angry.  
She would literally attack with words everyone who dared to oppose to her.  
Especially on the topic of raising John.

No one could ever criticized her or John.

When the boy was bullied at school, she quickly made something to make him more at ease.

She never wanted children, yet she always wanted to take care of her nephew. The way she smiled whenever John would be near her or how she gently held him in her arms when he was feeling so scared and vulnerable.

So seeing her in front of the sister she hated the most was quite the show.

"How dare you..." she said, getting closer to her sister. Her voice was frightening, sounding calm and collected, but everyone who knew Mimi at least a bit knew that it was just the calm before the storm.

Julia gulped, looking like she was shrinking in herself.  
"How the fuck you dare to came here to see John?"  
"He's my son, Mary. Not yours." she spitted angrily, just fueling Mimi's want to kill her.  
"Ha! So funny! He's your son, now. But where the fuck were you, when he needed you the most? Do I have to remind you he was fucking 5 when you left him? You fucking left him home alone at night. He ran away and come to my house at fricking 3 in the morning, with nothing but the too big clothes he was wearing and the teddy bear I had gifted him when he was born. And I saw all the bruises he had on and how malnourished he was." 

You could hear a pin falling to the ground as quiet the room was.

The strongest sound was of Mimi's heavy breath after the shout she had just done.  
Everyone was just staring at the two sisters, who were looking at each other, Julia looking absolutely frightened, and Mimi looking absolutely murderous.

"And now, Julia dear, go the fuck away. John had made it quite clear that he doesn't want to see you. So, really, go away, before I do something..." 

Julia quickly ran away.

Everyone in the room started clapping and Brian could not smile at Mimi's blush.

That woman was very humble and was a bit like John, always blushing at compliments.

To escape the attention, she walked to Brian.  
"Can I please see my boy, now?" she pleaded and Brian nodded, smiling.

They quickly made their way upstairs and into the room, where Mimi loudly cooed.  
John, who was playing cards with Pete, quickly got onto his feet and ran into her arms, clinging like on an anchor.

"Little one, I heard about Paul. I'm so sorry, but you have to believe me when I say he'll get better. I had measles too when I was 16 and got perfectly better" she said, kissing his forehead as he clung even more closely.

Pete got closer to Brian and smiled. "They do love each other so much" said Pete smiling. "Yeah, I can't imagine how John would be if he hadn't ran away that night."

"John, there's someone who would love to see you" said Mimi, looking with a grin her nephew.  
John tilted his head to the side, like a curios puppy and the door opened.

Cynthia entered, smiling brightly.

John quickly ran to her, engulfing her in a big hug.

"I'm so happy to see you too, Johnny" laughed the girl, gently passing her hands in his messy hair.  
John visibly relaxed, putting his cheek on top of her head and Cynthia gave a small kiss on his sternum.

He gently held her hand, walking her to his bed.  
"You're big, y'know?" he whispered, and Pete grinned, since it was the very first time he had even heard John talk, even if it was just a whisper.  
"And you're a git, y'know?" she joked back, eyes happy as he looked into his young face.

"Sorry, ma'am, you are...?" asked Pete suddenly.

"Oh! I'm Cynthia, John's so great big not blood related sister" grinned the woman, an arm around the younger boy's shoulders.  
John fondly rolled his eyes, snuggling on her side, "You're not that older" he said, voice a bit louder and clearer than before.

"Excuse me? I think 11 years of difference are quite enough" she said with a shrug of shoulders.

Pete looked at Mimi, "Oh no, she's not my daughter. I don't have kids aside from John" she said smiling.

"Oh, sorry ma'am" said the young nurse.  
"Ah, don't worry, sir. I'm happy to have just John" she smiled, looking fondly at the two grinning friends on the bed.

"If it wasn't for you, I would be probably still wandering in search of Mimi's house" joked John grinning.  
"Of course. It's obviously known that your vision is beyond horrible, just like your sense of orientation. Of course you would still be wandering around" she answered as a matter of fact.

The two friends, the two doctors and the auntie talked and talked, until visiting hours had finished.

Before leaving, Cynthia grinned sweetly, kissing the boy's forehead and saying that they were going to see each other soon and that he would call him when the baby was going to be born.

Mimi too hugged and kissed him, telling him they were going to see each other in a few days, and to say hi to Paul from her when he was going to see him.

Brian tucked him in bed after doing his nighttime routine, so waiting for him to brush his teeth and then helping him with his nappy.  
"Goodnight, Johnny boy" he said smiling fondly at the boy.  
John smiled, snuggling into the pillow. "Goodnight kiss?" he whispered and Brian leaned down, gently pecking his forehead before stroking softly his cheek.

"Goodnight, little soldier" he whispered at the now sleeping boy, making his way out.

The joy of seeing him smile was the most beautiful thing Brian had experienced recently.


	8. Author Notes

Sorry, this is not an update.  
I wanted to write this to let my readers know that I will not update for a few days.

And also because I don't have any inspiration to where I'm going with this. Really, I have just a vague idea of future chapters but I'm not sure you're going to like it.

So please, feel free to write in the comments what you would like to happen.

Like, more angst? More hurt!John? (I'm a sadist, I love to hurt my favs lol) Or even more hurt!Paul!

Let me know if you want to read some more vulnerable boys and supportive Mary&Jim, Mimi and Eppy!

Lots of love,  
Seviel


	9. Chapter 8

Brian sighed, passing a hand through his wavy brown hair.  
He entered room 64 and made a beeline for one of the beds.

On it, the young John Lennon was sleeping, curled on himself and the pillow tight between his arms, tear tracks still visible on his pale cheeks.

Brian sat down at the feet of it, close to the boy's curled up legs and gently begun to shake him awake.

The boy blinked tiredly, before looking over the other bed and his eyes filled with tears.

"Good morning, John. Have you slept good?" whispered softly Brian, gently stroking the boy's auburn hair.

John didn't respond, the only sound made by him was a low moan from the back of his throat and than he stretched a bit, making grabby hands towards the older man.

Brian smiled, feeling happy with himself. The fact that John wanted to be close to him meant that he trusted him completely.  
Whenever someone tried to get too close to him he would usually looked really uncomfortable and tried to wiggle away.  
Now, with Brian, that wasn't the case and the boy would often shyly got closer to him to be hugged or simply comforted and held close.

The kind doctor gently picked him up, setting him down on his lap as he begun to gently explain him what was going to happen during the day.

"...And than, Paul's going to return here, around lunchtime. He can't go down to the canteen, but if you want you can stay here with him, I'm sure he's going to be happy to see you."

If John hadn't been completely interested by what Brian was saying before, he was barely listening, he had snuggled into Brian's arms, cooing gently at the cradling motion that the doctor was doing, now his attention had been catched.

"Paul is returning?" shouted the boy excited, jumping on his feet.  
Brian laughed, "Yes, John! He's fine. See? He's going to be fine!" 

The boy shrieked happily, running to open the door.

"Wait, John! You have to change your clothes." 

And John grinned, running back and leaving Brian to dress him for the day, excitement showing as he kept talking about how much he was missing his princess Paulie.

John waited for lunchtime to arrive with trepidation, the kind of trepidation a child is showing the night before Christmas.

It was midday, and John was strumming his guitar, completely absorbed in the melody.  
He was so absorbed he hadn't heard Paul enter.

The younger boy grinned, tiptoeing behind him and putting his hands on the other's eyes.

John squealed and quickly spunned around, finding himself just inches apart from Paul's grinning face.

"PAUL!" shouted excited John, throwing his arms around his best friend.  
"JOHNNY! Oh, how I missed you! It was so boring down in the hospital wing, I even tried to sneak out and come back here, but I was found before I even got down the aisle" huffed Paul with a pout.

John laughed and than did something he would never thought he do.  
After a giggling fit, he quickly putted his hands on the boy's cheeks and quickly sealed the gap between them with his lips.

Paul's eyes widened, before slowly closing, and the two begun to kiss clumsily.

Suddenly, John's eyes, which were closed, snapped open, and the boy stepped back like he had been burned.

"Oh my God, Paul! I'm sorry!" he shouted, a hand covering his mouth, his eyes filling with tears.

Paul's eyes fluttered open.

"John, I..."  
"No! I'm sorry, I shouldn't had. I mean, I don't want you to think I'm just a disgusting fag-"  
"I liked it!" 

John stopped mid-way of another apology at that.  
"Wait what?"  
"You heard me! I liked it." answered the younger.

"You don't have to lye to me, Paul..."  
"I'm not laying, John! And I'm not laying when I say I always fancied you, from the first day I got here. You're my best friend, I always feel safe around you... I love you, more than just a friend!" 

John looked up, face burning crimson and was met by Paul, eyes wide and teary but with a stubborn expression on.

The younger boy scooted closer, and suddenly, the two were kissing again.

"I love you too, Paulie" whispered the auburn haired one, kissing him again.

A few days had passed and between them things hadn't really changed.  
They had always been quite clingy and cuddly with each other, so the fact that they were walking holding hands wasn't really strange for any nurse.  
The only two in the clinic who knew where Brian, obviously, and Pete.  
The latter had more or less walked him when they were kissing, but had just grinned and congratulated.

Their families had reacted completely in a positive way, not that the two boys were thinking any different.

Mary and Mimi had loudly cooed, engulfing them in big hugs and promises that they would always love them.  
Jim and George, though more surprised than their wives, had patted them on the back and hugged them, telling them that love was love, and as long that love was actually real, than it was alright.  
Cynthia grinned, saying that she was already suspecting it. She had also said that her baby boy was going to have two beautiful uncles.  
Mike, for obvious reasons, wasn't informed.

Though they were expecting similar reactions, they had found themselves with tears in their eyes, and an invisible weight lifting from their shoulders.

A few days more had passed and John had woken up quite early, Paul was still sleeping.

He had decided to be up before his boyfriend because he had to ask something to Brian, something that Paul didn't need to know, since John wasn't sure their were going to be authorised.

He quickly got out of his bedroom without even bothering to change his nappy or to put on some other clothes that weren't his pyjama, before sprinting downstairs and to the direction of the doctor's office.

He got in front of the door, suddenly feeling nervous.  
When he was allowed, he shyly pushed open the door and stepped inside.

"John! Good morning. What are you doing out of bed so early?" asked Brian, posing down his documents and gently got closer to the boy.  
"Morning. I have to ask you something" said John shyly, looking into Brian's kind eyes.

"Of course, John. You can tell me anything"

John begun to play with the hem of his pyjama. "I was wondering if Paul and me could go home for a day. I want to bring him somewhere nice and have a proper first date" he said shyly, grinning.

Brian's smile widened. "Of course! I'm going to talk with the boss, but I'm sure she's going to let you out. Now, let's go wake Paul up and get changed" he said, and the two got out, making their way up to the bedroom.

"Paulie, we're returning home for a day and a night" grinned John, kissing his forehead, and Paul sleepily smiled. "Really?"  
"Really. I'm going to bring you somewhere nice" said back the older one, gently kissing him.

As promised, Paul and John had got home without troubles and it was now the day of the date.

John was rushing upstairs, fixing his suite perfectly and making sure that his hair was nice and not sticking up in different positions.

He sighed in front of the mirror, gulping down a pill for his anxiety.

"Okay, Lennon, you can do it!" he muttered under his breath, opening the door and stepping downstairs.

As expected, as soon as he emerged from the stairs, flash could be seen.

"Auntie, please! Stop taking pictures!" he whined, facing reddening.

"Nope, young man! Now, smile, I want to stamp these and putting them up" she grinned, taking another one.

Mimi's sitting room and bedroom were completely decorated by pictures of John, showing him in different ages.  
There were a lot of drawings made by him too, from the ones made when he was little, to the more recent pictures and paintings.

George smiled taking a black tie and quickly and professionally tied it around the boy's neck.  
"This was the tie I was wearing on my first date with aunt Mimi" he said smiling.

"Thank you, uncle!"

With a last hug, he was out of the house.

"Oh, Mary, don't cry!" said George, side hugging his wife.  
Mary giggled, dubbing her eyes with a sleeve.  
"I can't help it, George. Our little boy is already on a date!"  
"He is, indeed."

Back at the McCartney's, things weren't much different.

Paul was running around with different outfits, trying to find the perfect one.  
After much struggles, he finally opted for a simple plain T-shirt and jeans, since he didn't know where John wanted to bring them.

Mary had obviously taken a hundred of photos, from when he HD finished dressing, to when he had got out of the house with John.

John, who was so shy and awkward that it made him incredibly cute.

The two boys had eaten dinner in a nice little restaurant, who had been consolidated by Brian. They than walked sideway of a big wall.

"This is my special place" smiled John, starting climbing the wall. Paul giggled, following him up.

"Wow" he muttered, seeing the beautiful lawn that they had reached.

"Here, you can see the stars from here!" exclaimed John, grabbing his hand.

They didn't know who long they stayed there, laying on a blanket, looking at the sky and laughing together at silly ideas for the songs they were going to write, thanks to Paul's good singing voice and John's skilled guitar playing.

Paul reached over, grabbing John's hand and intertwined their fingers.

John smiled softly, bringing their hands up to his mouth and gently kissed, making Paul grin.

"Thanks for the night, John. I really enjoyed it" 

John looked at his boyfriend with a heart full of love and happiness.  
Paul was his boyfriend. Paul was beautiful. Paul was a princess.

"Just the best for my princess" giggled John, smiling at the blush appeared on the boy's cheeks.

"See you tomorrow, love" he whispered, kissing his lips softly, just outside of Paul's house.

"See you tomorrow, John love" answered Paul, melting into the kiss before letting go and, with a final smile, entering his house.

John smiled and started making his way to home, whistling happily by himself.

He was the happiest person on Earth, as long as his family and friends were by his sides. And his boyfriend. Especially his beautiful boyfriend.

Though, at the time, John was unaware of someone watching him in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to comment to let me know if you like the story :D


	10. Chapter 9

John arrived in Mendips shortly after accompanied Paul home.  
The lights in the house were shut, so the boy thought that his aunt and uncle were asleep.  
He slowly opened the front door and was about to sneak upstairs when light suddenly shined in the room.

He turned around with wide eyes, finding Mimi at the bottom of the stairs, still in her nightgown and robes.

"Mimi! Fuck, I thought you were asleep!" exclaimed the boy, eyes still wide and heart beating fast.

Mimi looked at him for a moment more, before a smile broke on her face.

"How was the date?" she asked.

John blushed, starting walking upstairs with Mimi in tow.

He entered his bedroom and started undressing, Mimi scowling at the nice shirt and jeans thrown on the floor.  
She picked them up, folding them nicely on the chair and sitting herself at the bottom of the bed.

John yawned, laying his nighttime nappy on the bed, sitting on it and slowly starting to fell asleep, completely comfortable on his fluffy bed and completely used to someone's skilled hands taping his nighttime protection on his body.

"Sweety, tomorrow morning, before going in the clinic, I want all the details of your date" cheered the woman, softly brushing back John's hair from his forehead and gently kissing him.

The next morning, loyal to her words, as soon as John had sat down at the table, she grinned, starting asking about the date.

"Did you get laid?" she grinned slyly, chin on her palm and malicious smile.

John, who was taking a sip of juice, quickly started to splutter and cough, face burning red.  
George started patting his back, and when he stopped he quickly shrieked with a "Auntie!" followed by the woman's laughters.

"Please, Mary, he's going to burn alive if you keep on asking him this things!" laughed George, patting his still embarrassed nephew on the back.  
"Well, shagging at his age is normal! He's 19" she said as a macter-of-fact.

A lot of people saw Mary as a cold, heartless woman, who took in her nephew out of pity and for hate of her sister.

That was far from the truth. 

Though she was always dressed with long, black dresses, low-healed shoes and hats just like the majority of the women in Liverpool, giving her an austere presence, she was a lovely, free spirited woman, who deeply loved John and who hadn't taken her nephew in just out of pity.

Since the day he was born, she had loved him and deeply cared for him.  
When Julia had stopped really take care of him when he was 6 months old, she had started babysitting him and, at 5 years old, had adopted him.

When John was 9 years old, he had started taking an interest in Rock n'Roll, thanks to Mimi, who would often do the chores around the house listening to Elvis Presley on the small radio in the kitchen, singing harmoniously the songs.

When he was 11, he was gifted with his first guitar. His uncle George, who used to play the accordion, would often play with him, especially on the warm summer nights, out on the porch, whilst the neighbors got out of their houses to hear the boy play.

One time, an Elvis Presley's impersonator was playing down in the centre of Liverpool.  
Mimi couldn't go due to work, but had allowed her nephew to go with Cynthia.  
The 11-year-old was enthusiast, sitting on Cyn's shoulders for better view, laughing and singing with his friend.

Cynthia laughed, swinging back and forth with John on her back, while they were making their way back to Mendips, were the two friends were going to do a sleepover.  
Now, thinking of a 11 years old hanging out so much, and even sleeping in the same bed of a 22-years old girl could be seen as unnatural and perverted, but in reality, John nor Cynthia were romantically involved.

"So, how was the concert?" asked Mimi, tucking in bed John and Cynthia.

They were laying in the same bed, John's smaller head next to Cynthia's, both tightly snuggled on John's small bed.  
"It was beautiful! There were so many people! And so much music! We danced and Cynthia even bought me sweets!" shouted the boy, eyes wide with adrenaline. The older woman chuckled, saying goodnight and getting out.

"Elvis is so good looking" said the girl dreamily.  
"Yes! He's so beautiful!" said John batting his eyelashes.  
The two looked at each other, before starting giggling.  
They settled down, fondly looking at each other.

"Goodnight, little Elvis"  
"Goodnight sis"

And the two were asleep, John innocently snuggling closer to her warm body.

Mimi and John made their way out after breakfast, getting into the car to go to the clinic.  
Arrived there, Brian was waiting at the door smiling.

"I was planning on taking the boys to the beach for a few days. I've already talked with Paul's parents and George's parents and Ringo's mother too and they were okay with it. What do you think?" said Brian smiling, looking between the woman and the boy.

"Mimi, I can go, right? Right?" he quickly asked, looking hopefully at his aunt.

Mimi shrugged, "I can't see why not. And if the others parents are okay, than I'm okay too."  
John quickly hugged her, before hugging the doctor too and sprinting inside to greet his friends.

Paul was in the lobby, talking enthusiastically with George and Ringo. When he spotted John, he brightly smiled and got up.  
Ringo and George greeted him, whilst John took the place that was previously occupied by his boyfriend.

Paul giggled, sitting on John's lap, snuggling into his cuddly arms.

"We're going to have so much fun at the beach!" exclaimed George, clapping his hands happily.  
"Yeah, just think about all the ice creams you're going to eat, eh Georgie?" teased John, elbowing slightly George, who nodded in agreement.  
Ringo smiled, "I need to tan a bit" he said, looking at his skinny arms.

The four chatted for a while, until Paul nudged John and pointed over.

John's eyes widened and that catched the other two's attention.

"What are those two plotting?" whispered Paul.  
"I don't know. Should we be worried?" answered John.

Mary and Mimi were talking with each other giggling like two teenagers girls. After a while, they nodded and marched towards their boys with matching grins on their faces.

Mimi throw something on John's lap, and the boy's eyes quickly widened whilst Paul's face coloured a deep shade of red.

"Ya know, we don't want you to get hurt" shrugged Mary, Mimi nodding in agreement near her.

George and Ringo peered from their mates' shoulders before bursting in laughters.

It was a bottle of lubricant.

With the boys' faces still flushed in embarrassment, the two women quickly got out, saying bye to doctor Epstein.

"Okay boys, we're leaving tomorrow morning, so tonight you must pack your bags" said Brian, sitting next to his patients.

When he got no answer, hearing just George and Ringo's laughters, he looked at them.

"What's this?" he asked, grabbing the bottle on John's lap.

His eyes widened and the doctor blushed.

"Oookay. Well... I have things to do. See you later" he mumbled embarrassed, getting up and ran away.

"Those two women will be our end"  
"They will, indeed" 

The two laughed, running up to their bedroom to pack their luggage.

That one, was going to be their first holiday together.

As John looked over at Paul's angelic face he thought he was the most fortunate boy on Earth.


	11. Chapter 10

The boys had arrived at the hotel around midday in very good moods.

Brian and Mal Evans, another doctor who had accompanied them with Brian, were happy too.

They were smiling as the four younger boys were happily chatting in the backseats of Mal's 7-seats car, the row in the middle was only two seats because the middle one was taken out of the car to make more room for the bags.

"Eppy, are we going to share all one room?" had asked excitedly George when they arrived at the reception.  
The doctor could feel a hand tightly holding the handle of his bag, and he knew, even without looking, that it was John.

John wasn't good being in large crowds of people, and being in a new environment was quite scary for the poor auburn haired boy.

"Yes, George. I hope you all don't mind that I got a connecting room" he told to the group.  
"A what?" had asked confused Paul, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy.

"Basically it's two rooms connected by a door. There's just one door that got to the hallway but the two rooms are connected" explained Ringo, excitement showing in his voice.

"Cool!" cheered quietly John, smiling as Paul took hold of his hand with a content sigh.

The girl at the front desk was a very friendly girl with a bright smile and big kind eyes. She gave the key of the room to Mal, and, all squeezed in the lift, they went up to the 3rd floor, where their room was located.

The boys were basically bouncing with excitement as Brian carefully twisted the handle and opened the room, rushing inside to take a good look.

"You will sleep here" said Brian, opening another door and the four pushed inside and looked at the other room with big eyes full of amazement.

The room in itself wasn't really big, but for them, it was like the fucking Royal Palace.

The two king sized beds were one in front of the other, and the two pairs quickly got on them.

"I like this!" shouted Paul, eyes big and lips stretched in a blinding smile as he looked at his boyfriend.  
John giggled, leaning down to press a kiss on those plump lips and Paul moaned softly, before giggling.

"Oh c'mon you two! Get a fuckin' room!" shouted teasingly George, who was jumping on the other bed with Ringo.

"We are in a room, dear Geo" said John smugly, receiving a pillow on the face from the taller one.

"If we're going to share a room for 4 days, we must set a rule. No shagging" said the boy and the two on the other bed giggled, "That's valid for you and Ringy too, though" said Paul and the other two nodded in agreement.

Their banter was interrupted by Brian, who was standing in the doorway with a smile.

"Okay, listen boys" he begun, motioning for the four to get closer, "Now we're going to lunch, okay? After, we return up here for a bit to relax and then we're off to the beach. Sound good?" 

The four nodded, jumping up and following their doctors out and down the stairs, happily bouncing like kids in a sweets store.

Once they had found their table, George ran off to the buffet.  
"Aren't you exaggerating a bit with the food?" Mal was eyeing surprised the tall tower of various foods that George had piled into his plate and was now downing with quickness.

"He doesn't have a stomach" shrugged Ringo, who hadn't took anything from the buffet.  
John and Paul were looking wide eyes at their friend as he gulped down the last bits of food.

"Where the fuck you put all of that, Harrison?" asked bewildered John.  
George shrugged, "I guess I'm still growing up" and that resorted in an obnoxious snort from his best friend.  
"Excuse me? You, growing up? You're fucking 1.90 for God's sake! What I should say, that I'm merely a 1.60?" asked Ringo, voice heightening.  
"Boys, please behave" pleaded the doctor, since a few people had turned to look at them.

John and Paul, who were sitting in the middle of Brian and Mal, just giggled, taking a sip of water to stop laughing.

By that point, the waitress had arrived with their food, a nice big steak surrounded by chips.

George quickly digged in, making Mal's amusement grow, whilst Ringo slowly starting eating.

"Is everything alright, Ritchie?" Brian was eyeing him carefully. Due to his numerous health problems and surgeries, Ringo's health was quite fragile and he couldn't easily eat a lot of foods.  
The boy smiled and shooked his head, "Yes, Eppy. I'm just a bit slow, y'know. I have to chew carefully or I'm gonna feel sick." "Oh, well, alright then. Tell me if anything is wrong, okay?" and the boy nodded in agreement.

The lunch continued without any event and quickly they were back up in the bedroom.

Brian was checking the beach bags when Mal casually said something that made the other man confused.

"Not a big eater is John, right?"  
"Mh? What do you mean?" had asked confused.  
"Well, I see that most of his food was given to George by him. Really, that George has a black hole instead of a stomach" joked Mal, knocking on the communicant door to call the boys. They were ready to go the beach.

Brian was agitated, though, Mal's words echoing in his head.

"Let's go!"

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the enthusiastic cheers coming from his four boys and he genuinely smiled, walking behind them out of the room.

The beach was calm and the weather was perfect.

Brian and Mal were sitting at their umbrella, watching the boys making sandcastles just in front of the deck chairs.  
Though they were all teenagers, in that moment they looked more like 10-years-old, playing together and pushing each other in the sand.

At some point, they had decided to go in the water, dragging with them the two doctors.

John, suddenly, got really quiet, his brown eyes widening slightly as he stood on the shore, looking as his boyfriend and friends were happily swimming in the shallow part with Mal.

Brian stepped closer, his psychiatrist's eyes watching him, studying him.

John's body was tense, fists clenched around the T-shirt he was wearing. His eyes were teary, his legs tightly clasped together.

"John?"  
No response. Paul, in the distance, weaved at him, and John, almost automatically, waved back, but without motivation.

"Johnny?"

His eyes flickered to his face and Brian stepped closer, posing a hand on his face, looking at him concerned.

"Am I fat?" 

The kind doctor's eyes widened.  
"What?"

John looked down ashamedly, "I'm just a fat tub, why he loves me?" he said, looking in the distance at Paul's carefree playing with George and Ringo.

"John, God, you're not fat! Not even one bit. And even if you were, it won't bother anyone, especially not Paul!" exclaimed the doctor, alarmed.

"But she said I'm just a fatty" said confused the boy, now looking into Brian's eyes.

"Who, Johnny?"  
"Astrid. She was Stu's girlfriend. A bitch, I've never liked her" muttered the boy under is breath, hands tightly clasped in Brian's much bigger ones.

"Well, Astrid was blind and mean, if she told you you're fat. You're not. You're a bit chubby, but that just makes you look perfectly healthy. Please, Johnny, don't starve yourself. Do it for me, or for Mimi, or even for Cynthia and her baby-" "I'm going to be his godfather" grinned John. "Hell, do it for Paul. I know he would make you promise him" it was said with such force that John found himself smiling a bit.  
Brian smiled fondly too, kissing his forehead just as the others were making their way towards them.

The afternoon in the beach had passed perfectly, and Brian could tell that John's self doubts, even if not completely, had disappeared and he was more happy and talkative, though still quiet because there were other people around them and bedtime had arrived.

They had walked up and down the walkable street and bought the firsts of many ice creams, and they were once again astonished by the quickness that took George to eat his two balls, and were now all pyjama clad and sleepy, snuggled in their beds.

Brian smiled, looking at the half asleep faces of his boys.

Ringo and George were spooned, Ringo was the little spoon and was already passed out, slightly snoring as he used the other's arm as a stuffed toy. George too was slightly snoring softly in the back of his friend's neck.

John and Paul were cuddled together, but Paul was sleeping basically on top of the other.  
The older one's hand was on his back, where it was drawing circles before he had fallen asleep. His nose was buried in Paul's soft locks. Paul's head was perfectly snuggled under the boy's ching, hands tightly clasping the shirt.

Brian had made sure they all had took their medicines, especially Paul and George, the two who needed them the most. He had then put the nappies on John and Paul and tucked the four in bed.  
The adrenaline of their first night out from both house and the clinic had quickly disappeared, so it was much more easier to put them in bed than what he had thought.

He made his way in his own bed, Mal already snoring from his, when suddenly, Mimi's words, the ones she had said to him when John had passed her to him after have talked for half and hour, made their way back in his mind.

"Please, Brian, keep my boy safe. A lot of people he thought were his friends had hurted him"

And with those words still echoing in his head, the kind doctor had fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!  
Next chapter might be triggering for someone. It's a flashback chapter, though, so they will not be at the beach, but I think it will explain more about John's past. We already know that he had been abused as a child, but something that happened whilst he was older had scarred him more more deeply.  
Feel free to try and guess the answer in the comments, just know that it's a bad thing that had quite ruined his already fragile mentality.  
(Thank God he had Mimi though. That woman will be a comfort during that hard time)


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: CONTAINS RAPE. NOTHING GRAPHIC BUT IT'S STILL THERE SO BE AWARE!

John repressed a sob as something trickled down his legs from his butt.

The disgusting feeling of cum was accompanied by a steady burning from his backside.

He didn't know how he did it, but he managed to got up on really shaky legs and started his walk towards home.

Arrived home, he just sprinted up the stairs, as fast as his legs and hurting butt could made him, obviously.

He hadn't even greeted his aunt and uncle, who, apprehensive, were waiting for his arrival.

"John? Hey, how was the party?" called Mimi, starting walking upstairs and towards her nephew's room.

An horrible gut feeling made her heart thump faster in her chest.   
She knew her husband was following her, worried about his nephew too.

"John. Johnny, open the door please" she said, knocking worriedly.  
When the only noise she received was a sob, she slowly turned the doorknob, opening slowly and carefully the door.

John was curled in bed on one side, head buried in the pillow as his body was shooking with sobs.

"What's wrong, son?" whispered the woman sitting on the side of the bed, putting carefully a hand on his back.  
She retreated her hand quickly when John shrieked and winced, like he was in pain.

George, who was standing by the side, quietly gasped and gently touched Mimi's arm.

The woman looked at him questioning and George nodded at the boy in bed, pointing at his trousers.

Mimi took a look, before gasping, her jaw dropping.

John's dark trousers were in a completely demolished state. The woman carefully turned him on his other side, putting a hand on her mouth as her eyes filled with tears.

John's arse was completely damp and bloodstained.

"J-John..." gulped Mimi, looking in John's red rimmed eyes.

"I-I tried to escape... But he was too strong... He had a knife..." broke down the poor boy, wailing heart brokenly.

George and Mimi quickly hugged him. "It's alright, John. You're safe now. Shh, baby boy, it's alright" mumbled Mimi, brushing softly his hair.

"George, go in the bathroom and fill the tub with warm water. Not hot, just warm" instructed Mimi and her voice held a certain tone, like she was directing her nurses in the hospital.

George nodded and ran quickly to do what his wife had told him, leaving her to reassure the distressed boy.

"John" she said, sounding a bit angry, "Where was Stuart? Was he the one to do this?" she asked, rage burning in her veins.

She had trusted that boy, even making John go to the party Stu had invited him.

"No! It wasn't him. He had gone with Astrid, his girlfriend. I told him he could go, that I would have managed to come home by myself. He has no idea this had happened, and I don't want him to know!" quickly said the boy, pleading his aunt to just leave it.

Mimi sighed, taking the boy in her arms close to her chest. John tensed, but quickly relaxed, putting his head on her chest.

He wasn't crying like before, he was just sobbing sometime, tears still making their way down his pale cheeks.

Mimi's cheeks were tearstained too, as she was trying to not cry, hugging her little boy close.

Suddenly, John sobbed strongly as a strong pain made his body shudder.

"What's wrong?" asked alarmed the aunt, looking concerned in his eyes.

"My butt hurts. Really bad, auntie" whimpered John, tears making their way down his reddened cheeks again.

"Johnny, don't worry. After the bath, I'm going to put some cream on to make the burn lessen, okay?" she whispered, picking John up and carefully carrying him to the bathroom, where George was waiting.

John was trembling. He didn't want Mimi to look at his butt. Though, he knew she was just helping him.

"I...I'm going to pick some ice cream" whispered the man, "than I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No!" shrieked John, fist clenching around Mimi's shoulders.  
"No? But John, you have to be examined to see if there's any damage" said Mimi, putting him down on the close toilet seat.  
But John shooked his head, "I don't want anyone look down there. Please Mimi, don't make me go to the hospital..." he whispered tiredly.

Mimi and George looked concerned at each other.

"Okay, John. But you have to make me look, at least. I don't want you hurt, I want to check if everything's alright" she said softly, caressing his hair.

John thought. It was rather his beloved aunt, who had seen his butt many times before since he was still wearing nappies at age 16, or a complete stranger.

He nodded shortly and Mimi gently begun to undress him carefully.

He hissed in pain as his sore arse hit the warm water and Mimi's eyes grow bigger when the water coloured red with blood.

The bath continued in silence, and when John was completely clean from all the blood, Mimi picked him up and carried him to his bedroom.

She lowered him down the bed and took a look at her nephew.

John's butt was completely red and looked very very sore.  
She delicately spread his legs, earning a shuddered sob.

"I'm sorry" she said.

His hole looked slightly torn and Mimi made a mental note that probably he would not be able to go to the bathroom for some time.

"Well" she started, sighing, "It doesn't look like there's any permanent damage. It will heal completely but it's better if cream will be applied often" she sounded like she was talking with a patient in the hospital, rather than her nephew.

She got up, taking nappy cream and a nappy, gently taking her place back on the bed.

She smiled softly, putting cream on her hand and rubbing together them to warm it. She than proceeded to rub it, making John gasp when she graced his hole.

"It's alright, Johnny. Nothing like that will happen again. I swear"   
Her eyes were fiery as she finished to dress John up.  
At that moment, George returned, carrying the boy's favorite ice cream.  
"Here, love. Ice cream. It's your favorite" he said smiling softly, sitting on the other side of John.

The three started eating ice cream, until John eventually had fallen asleep, face half buried in Mimi's chest, her hands never leaving his back.

Though John had woken up a lot of times during the night, screaming and crying, pleading to his rapist to stop, Mimi was always there, holding him close and reassuring him softly.

John's mental health just worsened, and so did his bed wetting and trust problems.

John was a broken boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment to let me know your opinion!


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback chapter!  
Enjoy and let me know in the comments!

Brian Epstein entered the Liverpool Clinic and walked towards the front desk.

Pete Best, an energetic young nurse, had quickly greeted him with a smile.

"Are you ready, Best?" asked cheerfully the doctor, walking along the hallways.

Pete nodded, "Of course, doctor Epstein!"

George Martin, the boss, was waiting for them since he had a new patient for Brian.

George Martin and the two greeted each other, before entering a room.

"Just one thing: he's not completely alright in here" he said, pointing to his head, "He doesn't talk with anyone but his aunt and uncle. He had troubling falling asleep and stay asleep, he basically is like a dummy, you have to manhandle him to dress him and everything" he said with cold eyes.

Brian and Pete gulped, opening the door of a bedroom.

On the bed in the farthest corner a young boy was sat leg crossed with a guitar in his arms.  
Brian thought he was way too young to be in a place like that.

He was thin, with a chubby face and a pointy nose. His eyes were big and almond shaped, giving him an oriental look, yet they held nothing. They were completely empty.  
His hair was an auburn colour and was styled into an Elvis Presley quiff, a few curly strands falling into his eyes.

Tight to his chest, like the guitar, there were a old, worn out teddy bear and a picture.

"Hi, you must be John. I'm doctor Brian Epstein" he said gently and with a smile, kneeling in front of him.

He furrowed slightly his eyebrows at the way that John flinched when he talked, and than the boy hesitantly looked up, without uttering a word.

"And this" continued the doctor, "Is nurse Pete Best. He will help me to take care of you" he explained and John slightly furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. Pete smiled, "It's a pleasure to meet you" he greeted.

It was almost bed time, so Brian had to make sure that the patient was dressed and into bed and had taken their meds.

"Okay John, do you want to put on your pyjama?" said Brian, looking at him.

John just stared at him with those big almond eyes.

Brian remembered the words of George Martin, 'you have to dress him up because he doesn't do it'

Pete was standing by the side, looking as John kept still whilst Brian undressed him and putted on him his pyjama shirt, manhandling arms and head into the holes of it.

"Okay, John. Now, we'll see each other tomorrow morning, okay?" he said gently, and John just nodded slightly, cuddling into the pillow.

After have said goodnight again, the two got out.

"What do you think of John?" asked Brian to Pete.  
The younger boy widened his eyes.  
"I think he had suffered a lot. He's 17 but he doesn't talk with anyone aside from his aunt and uncle, so that means he had trust issues" said the boy and Brian nodded proudly. "Plus, the way he had let you undress and dress him without much fuss, so that means he doesn't care what people do to him."   
Brian nodded, "Good, Pete."

Pete grinned and than the two made their way out and into their cars.

The morning after, Brian returned in a good mood. He was anxious to spend the day with John, an anxious yet happy feeling in his chest.

He opened the bedroom's door, Pete wasn't with him, because he was going to arrive later.   
He exhaled, opening the door and stepping into the dark room.

John was already up, playing softly on his guitar.  
"Good morning, John" cheered Brian, getting closer. "How did you sleep?" 

John looked at him, posing down the guitar to reveal a pair of extremely wet trousers and a big puddle on the sheet were he had been laid during the night.

"Oh" was the only thing Brian said, looking carefully as the boy's eyes filled with tears.

"John, was it an accident?" he whispered and the boy nodded.  
"Do you want me to clean you up or you do it by yourself?" he asked. He had to be sure if he was going to touch a patient's genitals, especially if the patient was an underage boy.

John just looked at him, with big eyes and Brian sighed softly.  
He gently grasped his hands, getting him on his feet and slowly lowered his trousers and pants, grabbing wipes and another pair of pants and trousers.

He had just finished cleaning him up before washing his face and teeth and bringing him down for breakfast, when a woman came inside running.

"Hi, Mrs. Can I help you?" asked confused the doctor.  
"Yes, sir, I'm John's aunt and legal guardian. I've asked to the reception and they told me the room's number" she said and John quickly twisted in his grip, throwing himself on the woman.

"Hi, Johnny! Hi, baby boy, auntie's here!" she cooed, picking him up and cuddling him close.

Brian was smiling, looking at the pair.

John leaned, saying something into her head and she nodded, kissing the side of his head and putting him down again.

"It was a pleasure, sir. Now Johnny I have to go. Bye, love" she said, kissing her nephew's forehead.

The days passed and, one morning Brian made his way to the bedroom before his usual time.

He was about to enter, when he heard a voice singing from the inside.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you

His eyes widened slightly. Was it John singing?

Do you ever want to run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming

Brian slowly turned the doorknob, entering without making any noise.

No you don't know what its like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what its like to be like me  
To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one there to save you  
No you don't know what its like  
Welcome to my life

John was standing with his back to the door. He was playing his guitar, singing with so much emotion behind his words.

Do you want to be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more  
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies  
But deep inside you're bleeding

Brian had to admit that John was a really good singer and also a good guitar player.

His voice was beautiful, yet a bit cracky, probably from lack of use.

No one ever lied straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy  
But I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
You never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what its like  
What its like

He sighed a bit, his voice gaining a raw tone, and Brian saw as his shoulders sag and his voice wavered a bit.

To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one there to save you  
No you don't know what its like  
What its like  
Welcome to my life

He finished with a strum, before taking off the strap of the guitar, posing it next to him.  
As he posed it, he catched Brian looking at him and froze, eyes wide in fright.

"John... That was beautiful! Did you write it?"   
He was truly amazed and the song held such a sadness that Brian couldn't thought of all the pain he must have been experienced in his short life.

John looked down, nodding.

"Wow, you should really sing more, your voice is amazing!"

And John looked up, finding only honesty in the doctor's kind eyes.

John grinned, holding at him his guitar.

"Oh, do you want me to play?" he asked confused and John nodded.

So the doctor putted the strap around him, starting strumming an old Elvis's song and smiled as John's eyes widened.  
"You like Elvis?"  
Another nod.

Brian grinned, starting singing.

It was throughout music that the two formed a connection.

When John had fallen asleep, Brian vowed to never let him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting school again in a few days and so I don't know how much I will be able to update since I also have to update the last chapter of my other book and I don't even have finished it!
> 
> I feel like I'm losing readers with my nonexistent updates schedules.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy even if it's kind of rushed.  
Leave a comment to let me know if you liked it!

John sighed, pressing the phone to his ear.

"Hey Mimi" he said when someone picked up from the other side.

"John! Finally you have called! How are you?" 

The boy sighed with a small smile, when suddenly he heard another voice of background.

"John? Are you there?" and John grinned since it was Cynthia.

"Tell Mimi I'm completely fine. How are you? And the baby?"

The two kept talking, eventually Cynthia passed Mimi back and the phone call got 2 hours long.

At some point in the middle of the conversation, Paul had entered the room, throwing himself on their shared bed and making John giggle by making funny faces.

"Stop make me laugh whilst I'm talking with Mimi" said John with a smile, laying down next to his boyfriend.

Paul giggled, putting his head on the other's chest and the two hugged close.

The two started kissing, the kiss becoming more and more heated as time passed.

They were completely alone in the hotel room because the boys and the doctors had gone out, leaving them alone and so they were going to use their spare time.

Paul got on top, straddling his boyfriend's hips and John looked up at him from long eyelashes.  
"I'm on top" whispered John and quickly Paul found himself down, pressed in the mattress.  
"Of course, Johnny. I'm not the type of topping" he whispered, throwing his arms around John's neck.

John laughed, beginning to took off Paul's shirt and, when it was off, he begun to bite and lick down the boy's neck, arriving to his soft belly.

"Oh, love" moaned Paul, throwing his head back and arching his back so that John could take off his trousers.

When the younger boy was completely naked he started to undress the older boy, who gasped when the cold air hit his erected cock.

"You're beautiful" whispered Paul, kissing him.  
"Never as beautiful as you" whispered back the older one, catching his lips back.

Paul started moaning more and more when suddenly, the tip of his cock was licked shyly by a tongue.

"God!" shouted the boy, "Do it again, Johnny! Oh, Johnny!" 

John grinned, gaining confidence and going down again, enveloping in his hot mouth the entire length.

He shyly started lapping at it, swirling the tip and gathering the precum.

Paul was a moaning mess, holding on John's hair.

John, though, got off from his cock with a loud wet sound.

"What-?" asked Paul with a slurred voice, looking with glassy eyes up to his boyfriend.

"Do you want to do this?" asked the auburn haired man, gripping the lub bottle that Mimi and Mary had gave him.

Paul smiled softly, "Yes, Johnny. I trust you. This is my first time" he whispered, looking at him with big eyes full of trust.

John smiled, "I'm honoured to take your virginity" and he was back kissing him again, more gently this time.

John coated his fingers in lub, before carefully rubbing one at his virgin entrance. Paul tensed, but quickly relaxed at the feeling.

"Tell me if it hurts to much. I know how it feels when it hurts" whispered John and Paul, nodded and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a loud moan when John's finger penetrated him.

John moved around the finger a bit, before adding a second one, stretching in a scissoring motion the tight ring of muscles.

He than hit the younger's prostate and Paul found himself in heaven.

"Oh! Do it again! Please Johnny, do it again!"

John grinned, adding a third finger.

When he felt that Paul was prepared and relaxed enough, he putted the tip of his cock right to his hole.

"Ready, love?"

Paul looked at him with a love struck expression and John quickly pushed in him.

For a second, the air was completely out from Paul's lungs, but he found himself moaning strongly as John begun to push and push, Paul lifting his hips to meet John halfway.

They continued for some time, fast yet carefully, until they both shouted, coming together. Paul between their bellies and John deep inside Paul.

"I love you"  
"I love you more" 

And with that, the two fell asleep, holding each other.

The rest of the week had passed quietly.

They were making their way back to Liverpool, where the boys were going to stay home with their families for a few days more.

John was in a particular bed mood, so bed that not even Paul's concern and care had made him smile.

"John, what's wrong?" had asked Brian, frowning.  
There were only the two of them, since he had already accompanied the others home, John's being the last to be dropped home.

"Nothing" muttered the boy, looking at the familiar sight

"You sure, John?"  
"Yes, Eppy. Now, do you want to came inside for a cuppa?"

Brian knew that it wasn't true that John was fine, he knew him quite good.

"Yes, a cuppa sounds good, thank you John" he answered and that, at least, brought a small smile on the boy's lips.

They reached Menlove Avenue and quickly unloaded the car, entering inside the house.

Mimi shrieked happily, running and hugging close her boy.

"Oh, Johnny, we all have missed you so much! Did you have fun?" she asked as they sat down to drink their teas.

John giggled, "We had so much fun! We went everyday to the beach and Eppy even took us to an amusement park!"   
Brian giggled, "We had fun, I agree and they had been their best."

"Oh, I'm glad" said Mimi smiling. "John, there's someone who would love to meet you" she said, nodding at the kitchen door.

John's brows furrowed and than his mouth fell open at the sight.

Cynthia came inside, holding a small bundle close to her chest with a bug smile on her face.

"John" she begun, "I want you to meet little Julian Charles Powells. Your grandson, the little boy I know you will spoil rotten" she said, holding the baby with one arm so that John could look at his face.

John's expression was one of pure joy. "Can I hold him?" he asked breathlessly, staring into Cynthia's dark eyes.  
"Of course, here I help you!" she cheered, putting carefully the baby into the boy who was like her little brother's arms. 

"Here, like this. Yes, you're holding him perfectly!" cheered the girl, taking in the expression of pure enthusiasm into John's face.

"Hi, there. Hi! It's your godfather here, who loves you so so much" he said quietly, stroking the baby's soft cheek with a thumb.

Cynthia, completely beaming, joined Brian and Mimi, who were completely full of happiness at the sight of John and baby Julian.

"A wonderful family" said Brian.

The two nodded in agreement.


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took me so long to update.
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy!

Every time something good happened in John's life meant that something was going to go terribly wrong later, or, at least, that was the belief.

It was a gloomy, cool night, those nights that shouted the end of summer, and John was quietly sat on the window's frame.

His face was emotionless, staring blankly ahead of him, but not really seeing, though behind his eyes, the whole world was battling.

He slowly looked at his boyfriend, who was sleeping a dreamless sleep huddled under heavy covers, tear tracks still visible on his chubby, pale cheeks as the dim light hit on him.

John didn't know why Paul wanted the light on, not that it was a bother for the older one, maybe because if he could see, than his visions weren't as bad as if it was completely darkness.

Visions. That's what they called them. John didn't like the term 'hallucination', though it was what they really were. Hallucinations, something that only Paul, among them, could see.

The term hallucination made John think that something was wrong with his boyfriend, it was like when people called John mute and Paul would got angry, saying that John wasn't a mute.

He sighed, dragging a hand through his face with a heavy sigh and he soundlessly jumped down and walked back to bed.

On the wall next to the bed, three new photos had taken the place.

John smiled softly: one was portraying him, Paul, George, Ringo, Brian and Mal at the beach. They were all smiling and laughing, arms around each other. The one next to it was one of his godson, Julian.   
John never had much experience with babies, but he was totally in love with baby Jules.

The third was John's favorite: he didn't know who had taken it, probably George or Ringo, and it was of him and Paul cuddling in their sleep, Paul basically on top of the older one.

Paul had loved it from the second he had found it, so they had made a copy that was in Paul's bedroom, so that he could see his boyfriend's face even when he was at home.

Without even noticing, tears started flooding down his cheeks and the boy found himself sobbing, curling on himself under the covers, face pressed into the pillow.

A little, nasty voice inside his head kept insisting that Paul didn't love him.

'Of course he does!' would than answered the rational part of his brain, but that annoying little voice was still there.

Suddenly, he felt the bed dipped next to him and he felt a pair of arms wrapping around him.

"Shh, love, sleep. I'm here" 

It was Paul. 

John laughed a watery laugh at the moment, and he could feel Paul raising one of his perfectly curved eyebrows.

"I'm laughing because usually I'm the one holding you" he explained at the unspoken question.

Paul hummed, "Well, let me at least repay the favor. What's gotten into that pretty head of yours?" he asked.

John sighed, "Nothing, love. Everything is alright."

"John, I know you too well. Something's up, c'mon tell me"

"I told you nothing is wrong. Just leave it, Paul!" snapped John angrily, feeling guilty immediately at the hurt feeling on the boy's face.

"I just want to help you, y'know" he said, sounding hurt.

John sighed, "I know love. I'm sorry I snapped at you, I shouldn't had. But you know how I am, you know that my mind is tricky and when I don't feel comfortable I'm unable to speak. I do trust you, very much" he intertwined their fingers and Paul smiled a bit.

"I know, love. It's just that you always listen to me rambling about my visions and nightmares and I wanted to make you feel better" he whispered, pecking softly his lips.

John smiled into the kiss. "I know. It's just that me mind is keeping telling me that it's all too beautiful to be real."  
"What it's too beautiful?"  
"Everything. My family, my friends, you. Especially you" admitted the auburn haired boy.

Paul smiled softly, "I can guarantee that I'm real and that I will always stay by your side. We will grow old together and we will start a family" 

At that, John giggled, "Just imagine Mary and Mimi with kids" and Paul gasped, "It will be horrifying! Just imagine them telling our children all the embarrassing shit we have done as children!"

The older boy laughed and finally, his self doubts went out of the window.

Paul, proud of himself, grinned and they kept talking about their future family.

They have eventually fallen asleep like that.

John woken up, and by a glance to the clock it was only a little past 8.

He didn't know what had woken him up.  
Paul was still asleep, curled up into his arms with a smile on his face.

John smiled, kissing softly his lips and forehead before groaning slightly.

His body felt strange, like he was way too heavy than usual.  
He could feel the clammy feeling of sweat clinging to his body and he was feeling quite wet between his legs, but that wasn't a new thing.

Suddenly, his body jerked and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Paul groaned, being awakened by a sudden jerk movement of John's arm around him.  
He was about to protest, when he saw his face contracted in pain.

"John? John, answer me!" he shouted, panicked.

John slowly opened his eyes. "Paulie? I'm not feeling so good..." he whispered tiredly, eyes full of pain and fright.

"I'm going to call Brian" said Paul, quickly getting out of bed and running out in only his t-shirt and nappy, not caring if people could see him.

Now he understood why John was so scared and concerned when he had been sick.

Even the last time he had thrown up and was feeling miserable, John had, even if anxiously, took care of him.  
At some point he was feeling so weak that he had even done something he had never done before into his nappy, yet John had changed him without troubles.   
"Well, it's better if I get practice for when Cynthia's baby is born" he had said grinning.

Brian and Paul were waiting anxiously as the doctor who had taken care of Paul when sick finished visiting him.

"It's just a fever, probably a minor attack of seizures. He just needs sleep and rest and this antibiotic, than he will be as new as before" he explained, putting a little bottle into Brian's hand "he also seemed to have wetted himself, but he's wearing a nappy, so I think it's normal for him" and Paul rolled his eyes, because he himself was standing there in a quite visible wet nappy.

The man nodded concerned, "And if he got other seizures?"  
"Call me if it happens" he just answered, saying bye and going out.

"That doctor is an arsehole" muttered Paul, flopping down on his bed and looking sadly towards the sleeping John.

Brian sighed, "I agree, Paul. Now, what about I'll change your nappy, mh?" he asked and the boy nodded.

After changing him, Brian managed to change John too, also putting a wet cloth on his forehead to reduce the fever.

That night, Paul had fallen asleep curled on the floor next to John's bed, and Brian had fallen asleep on an armchair in the room, looking like a guardian angel on his two beautiful broken boys.


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, school is killing me!  
Anyway, I hope you enjoy, leave kudos and comments!

Paul had been by John's bedside every waking moment.

He would usually fell asleep on the floor next to it, and it was Brian the one picking him up and putting him in bed.

The boy was a bundle of worry and sadness, until, one day, John had felt better.

"Johnny, how are you feeling?" asked happily Paul, brushing out of the other boy's eyes a strand of hair.  
John smiled, taking a hold of Paul's hand, "I'm better, love" he said, kissing the hand and making Paul giggle.

The two kissed softly and hugged, happy to be together again.

After some time, Brian entered the room, smiling brightly at the sight of the two boys.

"Good morning!" he chirped, "John, I'm so happy to see you awake and better! We all have been worried" he said, getting closer to the bed.  
Behind him, a young nurse come inside too, much to the two boys' confusion.

"Where is Pete?" asked Paul with a raised eyebrow, but John just kept looking at the boy's face.

"He called sick, so they gave me a substitute" 

"What are you looking at, loon?" snapped the boy.

"Colin! What's wrong with you?" said angrily Brian. 

Everyone could said that Brian was extremely protective towards the young auburn haired boy and no one even tried to treat the poor boy bad.

John just looked up at him with big, wide eyes, a shocked expression of hurt on his face.

"Brian, why Martin keep giving you arseholes as nurses?" asked Paul, an arm around John's shoulders and a glare in his hazel eyes.

Brian shooked his head with a sigh, "I've got no idea, but let's be nice with him, Paul" said the man and Paul just shrugged.

Brian smiled softly, sitting at the side of the bed and putting his hand on John's forehead.

"Good. You don't have a fever anymore" he said, ruffling his hair and John smiled.

The nurse rolled his eyes. "I don't want to be a babysitter, sir. I don't want to change them" he said disgusted, pointing at the two boys.

Brian sighed, "Well, it's your job as a nurse. And don't think I would give you something to do that I wouldn't do. I always change them, and I really don't mind. They're like the sons I don't have" he said, smiling fondly at the two grinning teens.

Colin just looked as Brian skillfully changed their nappies and quickly dressed them, just staying by the side with a hard expression on his face.

He was annoyed by the fact that John kept looking at him, but he kept his mouth shut for his sake.

When Brian had gone out for a moment, Colin looked at the two, who were cuddled together on the bed.

"Soo" he begun, clicking his tongue, "You two are fags too?"

"What is wrong with you?" hissed Paul angrily.

Colin shrugged, "Fags and loons. Great combination. It's better if I remember to not stay close to you, or worse, I could get killed" he said, looking at Paul deep in the eyes with an evil smirk, "Because, y'know, people with schizophrenia are totally nuts." 

Paul was froze in shock. "W-what?" 

"Out. Out, now!" 

The nurse turned around. Behind him, was standing Brian Epstein, face dark, fists clenched at his sides.  
He was angry, no, worse, he was fuming!

He was going to explode.

"Go the fuck out! You little scum bag, how did you ever get in? A nurse should be emphatic, not full of hate! The people here need emotional support!" Brian had marched towards the man, angry.

Colin had paled, yet he smirked.  
"I don't want this work. I don't want to fear for my life" and with that, he had gone.

The room was silent, an heavy atmosphere filling it.

Brian, still standing in the middle of the room, Paul and John still sat leg crossed on John's bed.

Paul's eyes were still filled with rage, yet a hint of fright and vulnerability had appeared in them, making him look like a deer caught in headlights.

John had been silent the whole time.  
His eyes were big and in it there was a look of fear and vulnerability.

That look, Brian noted, was a normal look in his eyes.

In the two years they had known each other, John had always looked like a scared puppy, always afraid of everything.

The doctor didn't like that look.   
He loved seeing John laugh and talk, something he hardly do around people, and being clingy.  
He wished him to be more happy and less self conscious of himself.

"Johnny" he said, voice soft and low, like he often talk with the two of them.  
"I'm sorry that nurse had upset you. I swear you he isn't coming back. I'm sorry for you too, Paul. I know your illness is something you don't like to talk about" he said, grabbing both boys' hands.

The two boys looked at him sadly, before throwing their arms around the man's neck and the three cuddled together, Brian whispering comforting things in their ears.

"That boy" whispered John, wiping his eye with the back of his hand, "looked a lot like Stu" 

"Stu?" said Paul, "You mean... Your friend, Stuart?"

John nodded, "Yes, he looked like him, that's why I was looking at him. But Stuart wasn't an arsehole" mumbled John. "I miss him so much" and he started crying, burying his face in Brian's neck.

Still crying, he picked an old, wrinkly picture and he handed it at the other twos.

The picture was old. Three people were on it, smiling.   
The boy in the middle was John, or a younger version of him.  
His hair was shaven on the sides and longer on top. His eyes were squinted in laughter, small wrinkles forming at the corners. 

On his right, an older girl was sitting, arm around John's shoulders. She too was smiling and sticking out her tongue.

By the look of it, Brian and Paul assumed it was Cynthia.

On the boy's left, there was a boy neither of the two had seen before.

He was young, looking around John's age.   
His dark hair was shaven in a similar cut to John's. His eyes were wide and were looking at the boy in the middle with fondness.

It was Stuart.

"It was my 13th birthday" said John, sadly. "Cyn and Stu had been the only two that had come. Stu had been the only classmate that had come and I couldn't believe it" said the boy, thinking fondly of that memory. "Mimi was so happy that he came" he giggled, "That he let him stay the night. We've built a pillow fort in the sitting room... We should do it, sometimes!" he said, grinning at Paul.

The younger boy grinned, "That's going to be so much fun! Let's do it the next time we're home!" 

Brian smiled fondly, hugging them.

You can't understand the love of a parent for his sons, until you have sons of your own.

And that it was how Brian was feeling.


	17. Chapter 17

The sound of little padded feet echoed through the house in the silent morning.

George Smith was standing in his bedroom by the mirror, fastening his tie and suit.

He turned around, smiling, at the sound of the door opening, and a small boy appeared in the crack.

"Good morning, John. Why are you up so early?" he softly said. John just shrugged, opening the door a bit so that he could walk through it.

"Auntie's still sleeping?" he asked, pointing at the woman in bed.

Mimi was indeed still sleeping, her dark curls forming an halo on the pillow and the sheets twisted around her thin body.

John tip toed next to the bed, gently putting his arms on top of the bed and intently stared at his aunt.

"Auntie Mimi" he whispered, poking her face with his small finger.

No answer.

"Auntie"

"Auntie!" 

Mimi groaned, opening her eyes slowly, "John, what are you doing? It's barely 6!" she said, sounding annoyed.

John gulped and quickly looked down, "I'm sorry, auntie..." he mumbled.

Mimi smiled softly, moving a bit to the centre of the bed so that John could laid next to her.

"C'mon, Johnny. Lay down and try to go back to sleep" she whispered, taking a hold of her little boy and bringing him up next to her.

"But auntie! I'm not tired!" he whined, trying to break free from the woman's grasp, earning a giggle from the woman.

"What about the nappy?" she asked.  
"The nappy?"  
"Yes, do you need a change?" she asked smirking.

John blushes to the top of his ears, "No! I'm not wet..." 

"If you fall asleep again, than you're going to need a change.  
C'mon, Johnny boy, if you sleep I'm making pancakes for breakfast... And bacon... And toast... And tea with milk... And porridge... Mmmmh, porridge..." she said, batting her eyelashes at the mention of her favorite food.

John giggled, putting his head on her chest, letting her smooth hands brushing through his auburn curls as she whispered to him.

"Auntie, why mom doesn't want me?" he asked quietly.  
Mimi sighed, "Mom wasn't a really good person. She did love you, though, and she will always be your mom" she said, hugging him close.

"No"  
"No? What no?"  
"She did not love me! If she did, she would never left me!" said John, tears in his eyes.

Mimi just sighed sadly, kissing his forehead and tightening her hold on him, bringing him closer.

"I do love you, Johnny. You're my little boy, okay?" she whispered.

"I love you too, auntie Mimi" he answered softly, kissing her cheek before burying his face into her chest.

They didn't dream of anything in the short slumber they got after the conversation.

Paul and John were laying on the younger boy's bed, staring at the ceiling.

John inclined his head, looking at his boyfriend.

Paul, with wide unfocused eyes, was muttering to himself, hands twitching.  
One of his hands was in John's, the other was resting on his stomach.

John gently stretched, brushing his fingers on Paul's flat stomach softly.

"Johnny... I love you..." he whispered, snapping put of his trance state, turning around to meet John's almond eyes.  
John grinned, putting softly his lips on Paul in a gentle kiss.  
"I love you too, Paulie" 

Paul's lips stretched into a smile, before he gently hugged the older boy.

They looked at their intertwined fingers and smiled.

"I love you forever"  
"I love you till the day I'll die" 

And soon the two were sleeping, holding each other closely.

For John, sleeping was always something scary for him, useless he was close to someone he loved.

Staying there, with Paul in his arms, made him remember how he would curled around Mimi during sleep.

Till to this day, at 19 years old, he would still got closer to his aunt, letting her holding him close to her chest and brushing his hair out of his eyes, singing lullabies to make him sleep.

John and Stuart were walking down the pavement to John's house.  
They were laughing and joking around, teasing their teachers and classmates.  
As soon as the door opened, the two boys got greeted by the smell of fresh beaked bread.

"Oooh, it looks like auntie Mimi made bread!" cheered Stuart, slinging his arm around the younger boy's shoulders.  
John giggled and the two made their way to the kitchen.

"Hi, Mimi"   
"Hi Stu! Hi Johnny!" she greeted, turning around and enveloping her nephew into a tight hug.

John closed his eyes, inhaling his aunt's smell.  
She smelled of lavender and fresh bread, with a hint of honey in her hair.  
It was what home smelled like for John.  
Not the peppermint smell that was usually his mother's.

His mother was Mimi. Not Julia.

"Mimi is nice" said Stuart laying on John's bed.  
"She is" agreed the boy, kissing lightly Stuart's cheek.

The boy giggled, "What was that for?" he asked.  
John shrugged, "Mimi always said to kiss the people you love" he explain.

Stu shrugged back, "I think Mimi's right" 

And the two just spent their time up there, Stuart listening to John playing his guitar and singing and the two having a good time.

When John was getting ready to bed, Stuart just looked at him.

"Are you still wearing a nappy?"   
"Yes..."  
"Hey, don't be ashamed. I don't care if you do"  
"Thank you, Stu"

"Stu, your mother is here" announced Mimi, entering.  
The boy nodded and, after said goodbye, Mimi and John were left alone again.

Paul's eyes snapped open and the boy sat up.

"John... Would you believe me that I just saw Stuart?" he asked, looking deeply into the older boy's eyes.

John's eyes widened, "What?"

Paul shooked his head, "I've kind of a weird dream, splitted in two times. In the first one you were little and you were with Mimi, cuddling together in the bed. In the second there was you and Stuart up in your bedroom and-" he trailed off, staring into space.

"No... Go away... You're not real, you're just in my head" he said angrily.

John gulped, "Paulie?" 

Paul shooked his head, fisting his eyes, "Yes, John?"  
"It did happened, what you said. I was 10 and 13..." whispered the boy, getting closer.

"Really?" 

"Yes"

"Cool..." and he had trailed off again, eyes filling with tears.  
"Please, leave us alone... GO AWAY!" he shouted, hands grasping his ears.

John sighed softly, getting Paul on his lap and tightening his grip on him, rocking him back and forth to relax him.

Paul's shouts slowly faltered, until he was silent, tears still silently going down his cheeks.

"Y'know, Paul? I always kiss your cheek" mumbled John, kissing the boy's round cheek.

With a last kiss, they were asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help it, I love little John.  
Let me know in the comments what you thought about the chapter. Comments always make me happy!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!  
Leave a kudo and a comment :)

Paul quickly walked towards his bed, throwing himself face down on it with a heavy sigh.

"You're still here, aren't you?" he muttered tiredly, looking at the girl standing next to the bed.

"Why am I even talking to you? You're not real, just in me head" huffed exasperated the boy, looking intensely at the figure.

She was resembling a little girl, with long blonde hair and big blue eyes.  
She had always looked like that, as long as Paul remembered seeing her.  
On her face, a cruel smile was usually drawn on, giving her a creepy appearance.

She was one of the first visual hallucinations he had had, along with the Mean Man.

"Oh, really Paulie? Are you sure I'm not really here?" she said in her usual overly high pitched and sweet voice.  
Paul rolled his eyes, "I'm pretty sure, yeah. It's not like anyone can see you" he muttered.

One of the things he hated the most was that: if he didn't answer, she would just kept on nagging him and, since he wasn't actually talking with anyone, people would look at him weirdly, especially when he would shouted at her to just leave him alone.

He sighed, already feeling the begging of a headache making its way in his skull.  
At that moment, another figure appeared in Paul's line of vision.

"No! Not you too!" he groaned.  
The Mean Man was standing there, a sickening smile on its face, or, well, it was more like it was sewed like that.

In fact, what made the Mean Man so scary was the fact it didn't have a real face, just the scar-ridden skin that was falling off.

Saying that Paul was absolutely scared shit by it was an understatement.  
Even John, when in a moment of mental breakdown Paul had told him accurately about the physical appearance of the monster, had been absolutely terrified, so much that Paul thought he was going to stop be his friend.

Luckily, it hadn't been the case.

And Paul smiled slightly at the memory of him and John sleeping with the lights on, cuddled in just one bed, even if the man could be seen only by Paul, and even in that case, he couldn't do any physical damage to neither of the boys.

"Go away, please!" pleaded Paul, hoping that the medicines would kick in more faster.

"Never. I'm your best friend"  
"You're not!"  
"Well, who really loves you?"

"John! John loves me..."   
"Are you sure, Paulie? Maybe he stays with you just for pity" said the Mean Man, snickering.

"No... I love him, and I know he loves me too..."

Finally, the medicines kicked in, and Paul found himself alone, the Girl and the Man finally had disappeared, along with his auditor illusion.

He sighed, bringing his hands to rest on his eyes, the heels of them pressing into his eyes until he was seeing little stars.

"Hey, love!"

He opened his eyes, blinking at the sudden light and smiling at the vision of John, who had finally returned to the clinic.

He was stripping off of his wet clothes, his Elvis' quiff was falling messily in front of his eyes as he was bending to pick up something, giving to Paul a nice view of his butt.

Paul watched interested, suddenly feeling aroused by the sight of his half naked boyfriend, dripping sexily.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" snickered the older boy, turning around and Paul grinned.

"Mh, yes. You have a nice arse" he muttered, getting on his knees and crawling to edge of the bed.

John giggled, shaking his head amused before kissing softly the boy's lips.

Paul moaned, eyes fluttering close and soon they were fully snogging.

"I want to do it" muttered John, leaving a trail of kisses on Paul's exposed neck.

The boy moaned at the feeling, "yes please, Johnny. I want it too" he said, between kisses.

Paul was pressed on the mattress, John laying on top of him, clothes flying everywhere as the two teens continued.

"Oh! Johnny, ngh, I love your tongue!" said the boy, arching his back as John's tongue grazed the waistband.  
His trousers were oh so tight and there was so much heat!

Paul couldn't hold it anymore and he started trusting his hips up.

John laughed, "Eager, aren't you?" but the only answer he got was a loud moan.

Finally, their trousers come off too and John humped down, so that their erections were pressed together, earning moans from the both of them.

"J-John, please, I-I want it inside me. I want your big, nice cock up my tight, little hole" moaned Paul, a blush rising on his cheeks, but a lust-filled expression gracing his delicate features.

That sentence, added with the beautiful face, made John moan louder and almost come here and there.

He got up, grabbing the lub and crawling back between Paul's spreaded legs.

"You sure?" he asked carefully. Paul nodded, with love filling his eyes, "Yes, Johnny. I love you so much" he whispered.

John grinned, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend's lips as he gently entered him with a well lubed finger.

The boy under him tensed, as expected, but quickly relaxed as John was massaging his tummy.

When he felt he was ready, he trusted in another finger, finally reaching the younger boy's prostate.

Paul meowled in pleasure, toes curling and back arching as waves of pleasure made their way throughout his body.

"I'm ready" he exhaled and John nodded, aligning his dick to the hole and carefully pushed inside.

They both moaned and Paul reached up with his hand, intertwining their fingers on top of his belly, and John started moving, hitting Paul's prostate with every trust.

The whole room was filled with the noise of two people making love and the bed was rocking back and forth with every trust, hitting the wall behind it.

"Johnny, gotta cum" shouted Paul and soon, he was shooting all over his belly and John's chest.

John groaned, burying himself deeper inside his lover, shooting his come.

After the last drops had come out, he pulled out, completely spent and dropped down next to his boyfriend.

"I love you" whispered Paul, rolling over and resting half on top of John.  
John kissed his dark hair, "Let me get up, gotta get something to clean us up" he said, stretching his tired arms up.

Paul groaned, but let him got up nonetheless, since he didn't quite enjoy the feeling of cum drying on his legs.

As promised, the auburn haired boy crawled back with some wipes, the ones usually used to clean them up during nappy change, and gently wiped Paul's legs, belly and butt, making the boy giggle.

John giggled back, laying back next to Paul, sighing happily when Paul crawled on top of him, head on his chest, legs intertwined and holding hands.

"Goodnight, Johnny boy"  
"Goodnight, Princess"

Neither of the boys had nightmares that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on ending it soon, like two more chapters + epilogue sat in the future.  
Not sure about it, though.
> 
> Anyway, I hope to see all of you in the next chapter!


	19. chapter 19

John and Paul were still laying together in bed completely naked.

With a smile, Paul turned around so that he could put his head on the older boy's chest before groaning.

"What's wrong, love?" asked John, wrapping an arm around the younger boy's back and Paul huffed.

"My arse hurts. And it's your fault." pouted Paul, looking at his boyfriend through long, thick eyelashes.  
John laughed, "I'm sorry love. I'll try to be more careful next time" he reassured.

Paul tried to not laugh, but he could hardly stay angry with John and soon he was laughing too.

"Not that I don't like to bottom" he said, looking up at John, "but why don't you like to bottom? I mean, you said something bad had happened" he asked curiously and John's eyes widened.

"Oh" he mumbled, "Yes, it's true..." he sighed, rubbing at his left eye, trying to stop tears from forming.

Paul, sensing his boyfriend's distress, quickly hugged him, "Hey, you don't have to tell anything, if you don't want to" he reassured, kissing John's cheek as a reassurance.

"No, no! I do want to tell you. I mean, you're one of the few people I really trust" answered John, sitting up in bed with the sheets pooling around his waist.

Paul sat up as much as his aching backside could made him, fulling listening to what his boyfriend was going to tell him.

John sighed softly with his eyes closed.

"I got raped..." he whispered.  
"Y-You what?" whispered-shouted Paul, staring wide eyed at John.   
The older boy sighed again and opened his eyes, putting his chin on top of his hand.

"I was 16" he started explaining, looking out of the window. He couldn't look into Paul's eyes.  
His big, sad, puppy eyes would just made him feel vulnerable and made his selective mutism act up.

"I had gone out with Stu and his girlfriend to a party. I had fun, because even if I told Stu that he could go with his friends, he still sticked with me and introduced me to some of his friends" his breath shuddered at the sad memory and Paul couldn't help but feel slightly jealous towards Stuart.

"Than, at the end of the evening I told him he could go with Astrid and that I would manage to return home by myself... There was a boy who had been looking at me throughout the night. When I was near a dark hallway, he cornered me inside it. He tried to talk with me, but I was so so scared I hardly talked" he looked at Paul then, with big sad eyes, full of regret and pain. "He pulled down my pants and...and he sticked it in my arse..." murmured John with eyes slowly filling with tears, "I pleaded and shouted to him to stop but he didn't listen. I was so scared and in pain, I don't even know how I managed to ran home. Must had given an heart attack to Mimi" giggled sadly the boy.

He could feel his throat tightening and the familiar burn of crying. His breath was coming out in short, chocked breaths and his eyes were filling with tears.

Paul, who also had eyes filled with tears, quickly gathered him in his arms.

"I'm sorry, John. I'm sorry this had happened. Shh, it's alright, John. You're safe, now." whispered Paul, rocking back and forth the crying and whimpering boy on his lap.

They stayed like that for what felt like years but it only lasted maybe a few hours.

John pulled himself up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and giving Paul a shaky smile.

"You're the only one who know this, aside from Mimi and George, obviously." he said, getting up even if he was naked.

"Really? Not even Brian knows about it? Stuart?"

"No. I never told Eppy. And no, Stuart never knew. Maybe suspected it, but he never told me anything to let me know he knew and plus, he would have felt guilty to have left me by myself" said John, grabbing his clothes from the floor and putting them on. "Ya better get dressed, Macca. Brian's coming up in a few to call us down" he said, throwing Paul's clothes to the younger one, who grabbed them midway, grinning victoriously.

Paul dressed and kept quietly staring at John, who was grabbing his guitar case and backpack.

In the back of his mind, the Mean Man was whispering something that Paul was idly ignoring.

"Oh, stop it stupid git!" shouted Paul and John turned around with a raised eyebrow. "Hm?"

"I wasn't talking with you, love. Shit, I better stop talking out loud with the things in my head" groaned the dark haired boy and the auburn haired one giggled, "Oh no, you're even cuter when you do it" he said with a teasing grin on his face.

Paul rolled his incredibly big eyes, passing a hand through the dark locks of hair.

"Ahah, so funny, Winny. So funny" he sarcastically said, sticking out his tongue.

John finished adjusting his hair, before sticking out his tongue too, earning happy giggles from the younger boy.

As predicted, Brian knocked on the door, signaling them it was time to go downstairs.

As soon as he had spotted her, John quickly ran in the safeness of his aunt's arms.  
When he was little, he used to hide under Mimi's long skirts.  
Mimi smiled tenderly, kissing softly his forehead.

He loved Paul with all his heart, but Mimi was still Mimi, and, well, he loved her as she was his own mother.

Paul giggled. He was also held into his mother's arms.

The older boy smiled, kissing Paul's forehead and lips before the two pairs made their different ways to get to their cars.

There was something off, though.  
In the way Mimi had held him close, her hug more tight than usual. The way her eyes were more tired than normal.  
And why wasn't George there with her too?   
He had never skipped when John was returning home from the clinic, aside from a few times when he was working.

"Auntie, where's uncle George?" he finally asked, furrowing his brows and looking at Mimi, whose eyes were fixed on the road.

"He's at home, he wasn't feeling so good" she reassured and John just nodded, pulling his feet up on the seat so that he could rest his arms on top of them.

The rest of the journey was silent, no radio cheerfully airing some jazz songs or rock songs.

Finally, they made it to Mendips, entering the house quietly.

"Hiya, boy!" 

John quickly hugged his uncle, who was waiting for him in the lounge.  
He was wearing his pyjama, even if it was barely nine and a big patchwork blanket Mimi had made.

He kindly smiled down at his nephew, setting down with him by one side, pulling down Mimi to his other side with a laugh.

Though Mimi usually complained, she just rolled her eyes and kissed her husband's cheek as a greeting and John smiled.

By the time he was tired enough, he let Mimi dragged him upstairs and into her room, where he was usual to spend the night on his first day home from the clinic.

He didn't protest, barely moved, as Mimi undressed and dressed him up again and getting into bed with him by her side.

He sighed, twisting around to be closer to her, who gently kissed him again and slowly closed her eyes, George in front of her, making soft circles into the woman's arm.

Sure, letting a 19-year-old sleep into his parents bed wasn't the wisest choice, but John hadn't been home for over two months, so that was quite a ritual between the three of them.

For Mimi, feeling her husband and nephew, who was like her own son, so close was making her feel safe.

For John, sleeping between the two people who were the only parental figures he ever had was something he was looking forward every time.

As the night grow silent, a young boy was soundly sleeping between his loved ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, we're almost at the end!  
Leave a comment to let me know if you the chapter!


	20. chapter 20

It was a cool October afternoon in the suburbs of Liverpool.

Two boys were running down the streets, laughing and singing.

"John, wait!" shouted Paul and John stopped so suddenly that Paul collided onto his back.

"Ow"   
"Sorry, love" giggled John, picking Paul up.

The younger boy laughed, hooking his arms around the older boy's shoulders and shrieking happily as John started running the short distance to his house, John still giving Paul a piggyback ride.

They entered through the gate and into the house, where the auburn haired boy let Paul down, them still giggling as two women made their way towards them.

"Happy birthday, Johnny!" said Mary, gently hugging him, before looking at him with gentle eyes.  
"Thank you, Mary" said happily the boy, smiling brightly.

Paul smiled too, walking to stand next to his mother as Mimi gently kissed his cheek and hugged him tight.

"I've made a big chocolate cake" she announced, looking into the boy's brown eyes, cooing as John emitted a happy shriek.

Suddenly, a girl had swirled her arms around the boy, with so much strength that she had lifted him up from the floor.

"Happy birthday, Johnny! Happy birthday!" she shouted, and John laughed heartily, burying his face into Cynthia's blonde hair.  
"Thank you, Cyn!" and with that, the girl had released him, picking up a small baby that was looking from the sofa.

John's eyes widened and gently the boy received the baby into his arms.  
"Hi! Hi, Jules!" he cooed and Paul quickly wrapped an arm around his shoulders, before kissing his boyfriend's side of the head with love.

"C'mon, John. You should blow out the candles" said Mimi, her voice slightly high pitched in happiness as the two teenagers ran to the sofa, sitting in front of the small coffee table.

Mary and Cynthia giggled, sitting on the sofa, Jules snuggly held into Mary's arms, the woman totally in awe and in love of the boy.

The door opened again and all the people turned around, showing uncle George, together with Ringo, George H., Brian and Pete.

"Happy birthday" they chorused and John blushed thanking again with a shy smile.

The boys and men took their places on the sofa and Mimi come inside the living room from the kitchen with a cake.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Johnny, happy birthday to you!" 

Mimi putted the cake in front of her nephew, John smiling brightly at her before quickly blowing, earning a lot of clapping from his friends and family.

"Make a wish, honey" prompted uncle George with a smile and John nodded, closing his eyes.

"What have you wished about?" asked curiously Cynthia.  
"If I tell you" said the younger boy, "It won't come true" he answered with a smug grin and the girl huffed, shifting the position of Julian from one arm to the other.

Time passed between pictures taken and gift unwrapped.

He received two new disks and even a book he had putted his eyes on during their trip to the beach back in July.

"I bought it in that little bookstore we would visit often" admitted Brian, smiling when John flung himself in his arms with thankfulness, "Thank you Eppy. Very nice from you to remember" he had said, voice tight with happiness.

"This is from uncle and me" said Mimi, handing John a colorful wrapped up present.

John smiled, sitting on Mimi's lap, her arms enveloping naturally around him and John quickly yet carefully unwrapped the gift.

"Oh my God! You bought me tickets for Paris?" he shouted excited, turning around so that he could see his aunt.

"Ahahah, calm down, little tornado" laughed the woman, adjusting her grip on him, "Yeah, two tickets all-inclusive for a nice hotel in the centre of Paris. You can took whoever you want." she said, stroking his hair.

John bit his lips, before getting down on the floor, crawling towards Paul, who was sat between his mother and George H. 

"Paulie, I really love you. You're the light of my life. Will you do me the honor to come to Paris with me?" he said, face flushed, eyes glassy but a big smile broking on his lips.

"Oh my God, yes! Yes! I love you so much, John. Always remember that. You're important to me" said the younger boy, voice broken with emotion. He quickly got down on his knees, connecting their lips in a big kiss full of love and care.

Mary, Mimi and Cynthia started whistling, giggling happily at the sight of their boys expressing their love so freely.

"I love you" John was out of breath, gently leaning closer, his forehead resting on Paul's.  
"I love you too" answered softly Paul, his love evident in his voice.

The two hugged once more, locking arms around each other and staying there for some time.

It was almost evening.

John was sitting on the cupboard in the living room with a cup of uncle George's handmade rum. He was slightly isolated, even if the party was for him.

He was deep in thought, mindlessly swirling around the ice into the cup with a small smile.

"Hey, what'cha doin'?" 

His thoughts were interrupted by the low, slightly nasal voice that only belonged to Ringo Starr.  
"Hey Rings" he greeted, smiling up at him.

Ringo hopped on the cupboard next to him, leaning slightly towards him.  
"You seem deep in thought" he noted, posing his blue eyes on the slightly younger's face. "Cigarette?" he proposed, handing him the packet.

John hummed, and the two hopped down to walk into the kitchen.  
Once there, they bringed two chairs next to the open window, taking a drag of the cigarette. 

"What's on your mind?" he asked again.  
John sighed, "Nothing, really. I'm just really happy to have you all here with me. I would never thought I was going to have so many friends. For years it had just been me, uncle, auntie, Cyn and Stu at my birthdays. Not even my mother. I don't think she even remember her son's birthday" he said, the last part slightly bitterly.

He was hunched on the chair, but his expression was relaxed. The contrasting lights were making his hair a reddish colour.  
Cigarette lazily dangling between his fingers.

Ringo hummed, "Well, John, from now on just remember that your birthdays will not be lonely anymore. We're all here" he reassured with a grin and John grinned back, hugging his shorter friend.

After the conversation, they joined the guests again, because it was late and they needed to go.

After having wished him a happy birthday again, the house slowly emptied, leaving only the Smiths and Paul, who was going to spend the night there.

It had been hard convincing Mary, since she didn't want Paul to intrude in the family, and it took both Mimi's reassures that he was welcomed for the night, and John's protests, saying that it was his best birthday gift, to fully convince her.

But now here they were, snuggled closely under the covers of John's small bed, after having listened to the new disks -even Mimi joined the dances as soon as she heard Elvis's voice- and were now ready for bed, already clad into their nappies and pyjama.

An idea came across John's mind, his hand traveling higher on Paul's bare leg.  
"What are you doing?" asked Paul with a sleepy, amused smile on his lips, eyes half closed.  
John chuckled, gently palming the younger boy throughout the nappy.  
Paul whimpered, his hand traveling south, posing it on John's thickly covered crotch, gently touching the slowly growing bulge that was growing in there.

John moaned too, massaging more strongly, earning high pitched moans, letting the older one knew that he was close.

Finally, with a cry muffled by the pillow, Paul hardly came inside the nappy, his hand tightening against his boyfriend's crotch.

John, thought, wasn't able to muffle his cry.

"Oh shit" he muttered softly, looking wide-eyed Paul, who also gulped.

There was no way Mimi hadn't heard that.   
In fact, the sound of feet could be heard outside, and the woman quickly entered.

"Boys, I heard shouts. What's wrong?" she asked concerned.  
"Nothing" answered the two, blushing.

At the sight of the blush, the woman smirked knowingly. "Okay, call if you need anything" and with that, she had gone.

After a minute of silence, the two fell on the bed, laughing.

"Oh my God, that was awkward" giggled Paul.  
"I agree" laughed John.

The two looked at each other with love filled eyes.

"Goodnight, my prince" said Paul, scooting closer to rest his head on John's chest.  
The older boy smiled, "goodnight, my lovely princess" he said, posing his head on top of Paul's, legs intertwined.

Slowly, the two had fallen into a deep slumber.

And that, was the start of the biggest love between two young boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit late for John's birthday, but oh well. Happy birthday, cutie!
> 
> This will be the last chapter, if everything goes as planned the epilogue will be up in a few days.  
Leave a comment to let me know your opinion on the chapter or on the book in general, reading comments always makes me happy :D


	21. Epilogue

Paul McCartney sighed, getting out of a car.  
John Lennon sitting in the passenger seat, got out too, stretching his arms up into the air.

They had finally arrived to Liverpool, after a long, long journey from London.

"C'mon, Sean. It's time to wake up, love" said softly the younger boy to a little child napping in the backseat.

Big, slightly almond shaped eyes opened and the child made a cute yawn. "Awe we there already?" he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his little hand.

Paul grinned, helping him out of the car seat, "yes, love. Now, do you want to help daddy put the suitcases inside?" he gently asked.

John grinned, "Yes, I would like a hand to bring inside all of these heavy suitcases" he said, giggling when his son quickly run over and grabbed the lightest bag.

Paul giggled, grabbing the leftovers bags and quickly got inside the house.

"John! Paul! Sean! You've finally arrived!" 

They looked over to the kitchen, seeing a happy-looking Mimi Smith walking towards them.  
"Hi, Mimi" smiled happily Paul, earning a hug from the woman.  
"Hi, grandma!" cheered Sean, throwing his small arms around the woman's waist. Mimi's face lighten up when the 5-year-old called her grandma.

She then reached for her bellowed nephew and John quickly clung to her, "I've missed you so so much, auntie!" he softly said.

Paul's eyes softened. At the moment, in front of him, John looked just like when they were teens. Instead of messy, longish hair he was seeing a hug reddish quiff. On his face, instead of the round glasses his husband was wearing, he was seeing the occasional wore black rimmed glasses, the ones similar to Buddy Holly's.

After a while, the hug loosened and Mimi looked fondly into her nephew's face.   
"Oh, Johnny, don't cry" she softly said, cupping his face in her hands.  
"Sorry, auntie" he apologized, letting her smooth, slightly wrinkled hands wipe all the tears. "It's just that I saw that picture of uncle and I thought about how much I miss him" he whispered, looking down.

Sean, who had gone upstairs with Paul to put the things in John's old bedroom, gently walked towards his father. "Daddy" he said, in a soft, high-pitched voice, "Don't cry" he whispered, sad.

John smiled, picking him up and cradling him close to his chest.   
"Sorry, buddy. It's just that I thought about how I miss a person" he softly said.

Paul, that had joined them, quickly and gently hugged him. "He's up there" he said, looking at the ceiling, "Sometimes I see Eppy. And sometimes even Stu!" he exclaimed, a smile forming onto his plump lips and his huge eyes sparkling.

John smiled, "I miss all of them... But at least I still have you" he said, meaning both his husband and child, but also his aunt, the woman who had always been a mother to him.

After that, they went upstairs to prepare for the night.

John's bedroom was exactly the same it had always been since the day of his leaving.  
Mimi hadn't the heart of touching anything, aside for the things on the writing desk, which weren't in their disorganized fashion, but probably, the woman had putted them away just to clean the surface.

On the walls, there were the very same posters of Elvis and Buddy Holly, along with other thousands of things.  
Behind the bed, a big yellow cardboard poster was hung.

Paul smiled at that. He remembered when they had took all those photos.

In the centre, a big photo of him and John kissing, barely teens, laying on a hotel beach. In another one, there were him and John, along with Ringo, George and Brian, building sandcastles. It was their trip to Blackpool.

It seemed that centuries had passed since those days.

"Remembering the good old times?" John had appeared behind him already in his pyjama, holding Sean into his arms.

"Oh, yeah! When we were young and cool" he laughed and the older boy laughed too.

"How old were you?" asked Sean.  
"I was 18 and your papa was 16" said John, putting the kid back on the bed.

"And whose this?" he asked, pointing at Brian.  
"That was Brian-" "or Eppy" mused Paul "Yeah, Eppy" said John with a fond tone, "he was our doctor when we were living into a clinic for people a bit troubled" explained softly the man.

Sean, even if he was just 5, knew that his daddy and papa had had some troubled times in their youth, even if it was kind of confusing for him.  
He knew that his Papa, Paul, sometimes heard voices and saw people that weren't really there. And he also knew that his daddy, John, sometimes was crying and not talking with anyone because in his head, everything seemed so scary, but in his young age it was okay for him.

"Do you want to see even more photos?" asked Paul, picking him up. Sean nodded and grinned and John gasped.   
"Please, love! Not the horrible photos!" he pleaded with a scared face, though he was smiling. He was on his knees, hands clasped, praying to Paul.

Sean was heartily laughing, tightly holding onto his papa's shoulders as he run down the corridor and inside a bigger bedroom. That was auntie Mimi's bedroom and Sean had been in it only a few times before.

The older man quickly reached them, sitting on the bed on Sean's side, so that the boy was sitting in the middle of his parents.

In front of them, on a long, wide table, a lot of photos were there, freezing the expressions of whoever was in the picture.

"Who's that?" asked Sean pointing over with a grin. He knew perfectly who was it, but enjoyed when they were telling him.

"Why it's me" said his daddy. "I was around your age" he smiled, looking at his 5-year-old version, grinning happily.  
That picture was Mimi's favorite.  
It portrayed John as a small child, sitting on Mimi's leg, the woman crouched down, an arm around his small body, steadying him, and the other was pointing over at whoever had taken the picture.

"You were weally pwetty!" complimented the little boy with a big smile and John, still not used to praises, blushed. "Thank you love. But you're way more handsome!"

The next picture was of Mimi and George's wedding -'they were so young!' had commented Paul-, then a picture of their own wedding -'look how fat I was!' commented John, 'and look at the moptop!'- than other pictures of John as a little kid -'they couldn't not take pictures of me?' muttered angrily John'- than there was the boys' first date, a picture of Sean as a baby, a more recent picture of him, a picture of Julian Powells, Cynthia's son and a picture of Mimi's parents and sisters, minus Julia, John's mother.

Then a photo he had never saw before catched his eye. "And this one?" he asked, bringing it to his parents.

They looked at it, John emitting a small 'oh'

"These were my only friends when I was little, before I met your papa" said John in a strained whisper. "This is Cynthia. I've known her since I was 5 and she was 16. She was the one helping me and papa to have you" 

Paul smiled, forever thankful to the woman. Though it was their sperm, she was the one proposing to be the surrogate mother of the little creature they now called their son.

Sean nodded, "and the boy?"

"The boy was my best and only friend. Name was Stuart. He's now up there somewhere in the sky, watching over us, together with uncle George and grandma Mary and Eppy" he said, laying down on the bed with a sigh.

The little boy crawled up to him, curling into his arms.

Paul smiled, joining them and soon, they were asleep, in Mimi's bedroom, surrounded by photos, tightly held in each other's arms.

And when Mimi had gone to bed, she just smiled at the scene, before crawling her way behind John, gently holding him into her arms, like all those years before.

And though John's selective mutism hadn't completely gone and Paul's schizophrenia hadn't been cured, they were still two lovers, their love more strong then their illness or people's prejudices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, we've reached the end of this too! I'm going to miss write it!  
I want to let know all my readers that I'm very very grateful. For all the people who had left kudos, wrote me a comment or even just read it, THANKS! THANKS!   
I'm so glad people liked it, like really!  
I'll be back with other fics, just so you know.  
Much love,   
Seviel


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